So you’re moving in. Congrats. BlogDH prepares you to confront the gaping pit of uncertainty that is move-in day with these six basic questions you’ll have to ask yourself as you move in.
1. Who the fuck is this guy/girl?
And by “this guy/girl,” we of course mean your roommate. Look, you could be best friends. It happens. But if not, then not. Who cares? No need to envy the people who become all buddy-buddy with their roomie and forget to meet everyone else until October. 99 times out of 100, even if you and your roommate are polar opposites, the living situation will be at least, well, livable.
2. Where’s my lucky scarf?
Yeah, you probably forgot something at home. Guess what? Whether it’s your teddy bear or your computer charger or your running shoes or your glass dildo (wait what?), you can have it mailed to you. Or buy a new, better version at the Brown Bookstore or Providence Place. Doesn’t that sound nice.
3. Who’s this person saying they’re my RC? Are they going to be a hard-ass and ruin my fun?
Haha no. They’re your new sophomore/junior/senior best bud! They don’t give a shit what you do, regardless of what it is you want to do. Seriously, like, at all. You want to do illicit and irresponsible things in your room every night? BlogDH obviously doesn’t condone such behavior, but your RC won’t bother you about it. You want to stay locked in your room and play Halo for 13 hours a day? As long as you don’t start failing, your RC won’t bother you about it. You want to be a normal person? Your RC won’t bother you about it, except for becoming your friend. They’re great people.
4. What’s up with these communal bathrooms?
Only an issue if you didn’t live in MoChamp or EmWool and have some sweet (almost) private bathrooms. For everyone else, modesty goes out the window pretty quickly when sharing a space so intimately with others. And if you just can’t get into walking around the hall in your boxers, you can walk an extra few feet to the family bathrooms or disabled bathrooms or whatever they’re calling them these days. Either way, you’ll get used to it in about three days.
5. Why is all the paint chipping off my walls?
You go to a school that cares even less than its students do about maintaining whatever aesthetic value of its dorm rooms there already wasn’t. In other words, most of the rooms look worse than your grandma’s basement. Popular features include peeling plaster, non-functional drawers or blinds, and dying lightbulbs. Housing will take care of some of these issues for you if you bother them enough, but most room problems aren’t worth it. You’re not throwing any fancy dinner parties last time I checked. You’ll be fine.
6. Ethernet cables—wtf?
Indeed. The internet really sucks, particularly inside some of the rooms. Brown-Secure works (on average) about 12 percent of the time, and the fearsome Brown-EZ/Brown-Guest one-two punch will download a movie for you perfectly… as long as you’re willing to wait three days. Hence, ethernet cables. They may not be easy (or EZ–see what I did there?) on the eyes, but they get the job done. Unless your computer, like mine, lacks an ethernet cable port. In which case you can buy an adapter real cheap off Amazon. Nothing to worry about.
So, the moral of this story is, no matter what your impression is on move-in day, you’ll survive. We promise. Enjoy the first day. It’ll make for good memories in retrospect.