School’s finally getting back into full swing. We’re beginning to settle down and get into our familiar routines. With all of our acquaintances asking “How was your summer?” without really wanting to know the answer, we can’t help but reflect on this summer and all that it did and did not give us. Some of you were in entirely unfamiliar territory, trying to navigate meeting and hooking up with new people. You were living away from your significant others, and forced to use Skype as your primary means of *cough* sexual release. For our first Sextion, then, we got those summatime summatime sexcapades with Margaret Snatcher and Monica Bruinsky:
Summer Sexual Ventures (or lack thereof) — Margaret Snatcher
I recently came to the realization that summer break was playing a cruel joke on my libido. Summer is the perfect time to have sex, and lots of it. Plenty of free time, gorgeous weather, and tan, toned, half-clothed people. There is nothing that makes me hotter than remembering that I don’t need to be hunkered down studying for a midterm. No school stress = more sexual vigor.
So I should have been getting some, right? Well, unlike the apparent half of the Brown student body that decided to stay in Providence, I went to another part of the country this summer. I got up at 7 a.m., worked a full day, and then wound up sitting on the couch exhausted by 6:30 p.m. or so. This happened basically every night. Sadly, if a naked Alexander Skarsgard had wandered past me emanating his usual erotic aura, I probably wouldn’t have been able to stay conscious long enough to make it through foreplay.
On Fridays I’d maybe have a beer and watch a movie, but I just didn’t know very many people, and I’d be passed out in bed before midnight. I was also in a weird place in my personal life, to say the least. So, starting in June, I slowly accepted being temporarily asexual. Or that I should just eat a hot dog once in a while for thrill.
I did have a few exciting encounters this summer in the naked activities department, but those were just teases. Eventually my self-deprecating, pizza-eating self realized that she was excited to go back to school. Yes, it is nice to be back to having a little more action on the regular, but I was also just lonely.
And I also missed my dear Monica. I was starting to experience withdrawal symptoms. We had been apart for too long.
Sex in the Suburbs — Monica
Like Margaret, my summer was incredibly busy — I worked long hours, came home, ate dinner, and promptly passed out. Unlike Margaret, though, I wasn’t in a new city — I lived at home in the suburbs and commuted to and from work in the city. I went out with friends a few times in the city proper, but for the most part was too exhausted to see anybody. And if I was in the city everyday of the week, why would I want to go in on the weekends? It’s not like it was a new city for me, and home-cooked meals and my bed were sometimes too good not to go home to, even if it did mean awkward run-ins with catty girls from high school while getting froyo.
So with the exception of creepy guys talking to me on the subway, rubbing up against people on said subway in 90-degree weather, and Tinder, I really didn’t get to engage sexually with too many new people. That left the people I already knew in the suburbs. And I knew what sex in the suburbs was like because I’d had sex in the suburbs. And trust me, sex in the suburbs really doesn’t change that much. To be honest, nothing felt more high school than having sex on my ex-friends-with-benefit’s couch in his basement while watching Rain Man. Scratch that, nothing felt more high school than having to quickly put on clothes because his mom had to come downstairs to put something in the basement freezer. I mean, his was the first penis I’d ever touched. On that exact couch. Right before his dad and brothers came downstairs. That basement really needs a door.
Don’t get me wrong, we had great sex. As Blog noted in last year’s FroshSEXities post, there is a feeling akin to “devouring a bowl of your mother’s macaroni and cheese” when you hook up with someone you’re familiar with. It was pretty easy to fall back in sync with him because we’d done it so many times before, and I am more sexually comfortable around him than I am around anyone else. He also knows how my body works and I his, and so we know how to make each other feel good. We laughed a lot, which I liked, but it wasn’t particularly exciting.
So, because our sexual experiences were a bit subpar, we hope that this year for you can be so much better. While it’s still kind of warm out, why not hook up outside? The Main Green is only going to be dry for so long! Or go streaking! And don’t be afraid to meet new people. It’s never too late.
And if all else fails: Masturbate.
Love to all,
Monica Bruinsky and Margaret Snatcher
P.S. If you have any questions, or a particularly brilliant summertime sex experience, hit us up at firstname.lastname@example.org. We will keep your posts completely anonymous. Promise.