With all this talk of nudity at Brown, we can’t help but think about bodies. We’ve been thinking about specific body parts in particular, and we’ve come to notice all of the phallic and vaginal structures on Brown’s campus. Your two Sextion writers have decided that Brunonian “Genitarchitecture” definitely exists and needs to be fleshed out further. Take a look at what we’ve found to be the most gonad-related architecture on Brown’s lovely campus after the jump.
SciLi: We’re sure we can’t be the only people that think the SciLi is a giant phallus in the middle of Brown’s campus. It sits erect atop College Hill, indicating from miles away your proximity to the heart of Brown’s campus. There’s just no way around it: the SciLi is a giant penis that f*cks you every time you touch it (or enter it during finals period).
Carrie Tower: This large obelisk located on the Quiet Green was erected (tee hee) in 1904 and has the words “Love is Strong as Death” inscribed on its base. Also, according to Encyclopedia Brunonia, there are “festoons of fruit near the base.” Need we say more?
Van Wickle Gates: Okay, so this one is more metaphorical than physical, but bear with us for a second. Imagine the Van Wickle Gates as a vagina. During Convocation, we little tiny sperm get ejaculated into the loving and beautiful womb that is Brown’s campus. There, we become fertilized (make new friends, connect with people, find our true passions). In Brown’s womb, we can grow and develop, only to be “birthed” into the real world four years later. Back out of the same Vagina Wickle Gates and into the real world. Or at least down College Street.
Barus & Holley glass doors: We must also admit a slight jealousy for Brown’s engineers. Not because we want to be taking E&M, but because, on special occasions, the sliding glass doors into Barus & Holley are operational. They slide open suggestively, beckoning you into the depths of B&H. And if you’re trapped in Barus & Holley for hours on end like all of our engineering friends, a good look at anything remotely sexual is a blessing.
Semen trees: Come springtime, you may take a walk around campus and smell all the wonderful fresh smells of the new growth. You look at the glory that is the magnolia tree in front of the John Carter Brown Library. But then you walk past a certain set of trees near Hegeman and catch a whiff of… wait what? Yeah. Semen. The Callery Pear tree, or if you want to be scientific, the Pyrus calleryana, is sometimes referred to as the semen tree. We’re not making this up! Take a look at this picture of its flowers and see if you spot them on campus, if you don’t already smell them. If Monica were a horticulturist, this would be her tree of choice.
There you have it, everyone. While these last few may have been a bit more subjective, there are plenty of objectively sexual objects on this campus. Check out the Haffenreffer Archaeology Museum display by the computers in Faunce for one such example. Or this door on Lincoln Field for another.
Just in case you weren’t already thinking about genitals walking across campus, now you certainly will! And if you have any other pieces of genitarchitecture to add to our list, email us at email@example.com.
Love, Margaret and Monica