New England is cold. That’s an irrefutable fact. And yes, it’s gotten much colder in the course of just a few weeks. None of us are happy about it—we all miss the days when the walk from one side of campus to the other didn’t bring tears to our eyes because of freezing gusts of wind slapping us in the face. I too dislike wearing fourteen layers and not being able to feel my hands and feet.
But what is undoubtedly worse than the thermometer slipping below 32 degrees is the slew of subsequent
annoying complaints comments about how cold it is.
These insidious remarks have become an inescapable campus-wide epidemic, but without a shot to immunize you. I hear them while walking anywhere, from friends or while eavesdropping (sorry, not sorry). I have cataloged a list of some of my favorite types of cold weather comments, in the hope that the next time you think about saying one, you think again. Or just know that some people might want to make like that wind gust and slap you across the face.
1. “It’s so cold out.”
2. “It’s not this cold where I’m from.”
We get it. You’re from California or Florida and life’s (almost) literally a beach there. But, anonymous Brown student, you’re not in Kansas anymore. Reminding us and yourself of how much nicer life would be if seasons didn’t exist doesn’t make any of us warmer. Plus, I’m not sure what you were expecting when you decided to go to school in New England.
3. “I can’t believe we have four more months of this.”
Neither can I. And it’s only getting colder. But please, remind us.
4. “It definitely wasn’t this cold last November.”
False. It was. The world isn’t getting colder—you just have a bad memory.
5. “Why is it so cold?”
During the winter months in the Northern Hemisphere, the Earth’s axis is pointed away from the sun, providing less warmth. If you’d like more information on this topic, here it is. Or, the simple answer is: because it’s fall in Rhode Island.
6. “It’s not that cold. This is warm where I come from.”
This is perhaps the absolute worst of them all. Cold is not relative. I don’t care if it’s below zero in your home in Maine or Finland. It’s still cold as hell here. I admire you if you can walk around in just a flannel, I truly do, but don’t rub it in our faces that you’re superhuman.
7. “I love this weather.”