Brian Griffin, former Brown student and loving family dog, dies at 8

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Brian Griffin, former Brown student and loving dog of the Griffin Family, was struck by a car while playing roller hockey and died in Quahog, Rhode Island on Sunday, November 24. He was 8 years old.

Brian was picked up as a stray by his owner, Peter Griffin. Brian was brought into the family of Peter, Lois, Chris, Meg, and Stewie. He loved his family deeply—he was known to spend lots of time with baby Stewie, and also was known to have been madly in love with Peter’s wife, Lois. His relationships with the Griffin’s neighbors were cordial, for the most part; the exception was his relationship with Glenn Quagmire, which was particularly tense. This was due to each individual’s fixation with Lois Griffin.

His admiration of Lois wasn’t exceptional—he was generally affectionate toward human women. Sadly, he was unable to maintain his various relationships, due in part to poor relationship advice from Stewie (remember: Stewie is an evil talking baby). The most notable case was his (ex-)girlfriend Jillian. The two moved in together, but things got rocky thereafter, largely due to Brian’s inability to handle her complete idiocy. He died a single man.

A dog of incredible intellect and wit, Brian enjoyed the opera Carmen, was a fan of jazz, and an aspiring writer. Brian dabbled in reporting—after reporting on a local costume contest (that Peter and his friends won), he was hired by the The New Yorker but was promptly let go after he admitted that he never finished college. He returned to Brown University to earn his degree; however, he never graduated. An activist who fought (intermittently) for various causes, including marriage equality and the legalization of marijuana, Brian would have fit well on College Hill today.

Did he steal that poster from the second floor of the Rock?

Brian also was known to indulge in several vices—he traveled to Vegas, had a cocaine addiction, smoked, and was an alcoholic. In fact, he was quite the fan of dry martinis; he was wont to say, “Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?” He spent much of his life as a struggling writer. The plot of his novel Faster than the Speed of Love may or may not have been ripped off of the “Iron Eagle” franchise, and the book, when finally published after years of work, was both a critical and commercial disaster. His admittedly horrible self-help book Wish it, Want it, Do it was also panned on “Real Time with Bill Maher.”

Despite his intellectual arrogance, lack of emotional commitment, latent racism (he gets it from his father), and professional failures, he was beloved by his family, and the Griffins will surely miss him. Their new dog, Vinny, will never fully replace Brian, whose last words were “You’ve given me a wonderful life. I love you all.” He was a good boy.

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2 Comments

  1. Honest Opinion

    Fuck Brian Griffin. He was a racist drunkard whose presence represented the greatest mark against the honest students of this great institution. I am both shocked and appalled to read that the Blog Daily Herald is glorifying the life of this pathetic cartoon character that got what was coming to him.

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