Useless Rankings: Rhode Island’s large ‘endowment’

It’s pretty safe to say that size envy has been part of the male psyche for a very long time. Think back to the 17th century, when European monarchs played “whose is bigger” with their castles (I’m talking to you, Louis XIV). We still get involved with such mind games, but now we’re talking about penises. This week, Time published research done by about America’s buying habits when it comes to condoms. The website sells and delivers condoms throughout the country, and in their study they compiled sales data from across the country to determine the relative sizes of states’ male members.


At first I questioned the validity of this survey because, let’s be honest, who has ever ordered condoms online? But after perusing Condomania, it seems like they actually know their stuff when it comes to condoms. They literally have pages and pages of different types of condoms, as well as other sex toys. Who knew that you could import condoms from Japan, or buy vegan lube?

Anyway, from their groundbreaking study, we learned a few things about how America sizes up. Most notably, our very own Rhode Island placed a superb second. Clearly the survey was conducted during the Brown school year, am I right? Tragically, we were beaten out by North Dakota and its apparently well-endowed couple of thousand residents. In fact, we were sandwiched by Dakotas–South Dakota came in a strong third. We want to know: just what the heck are those Dakotans doing up there?

If you want to read more, check out the write-up of the study on Time’s website. Or, if you want an extremely diverse selection of condoms, take a look at Another option might be walking around dorms and stealing them from the RA’s doors, but you didn’t hear it from us.

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