Beyoncé surprises world with new album, wins everything

BEY

Christmas came early. Actually, Christmas was canceled because Santa decided he couldn’t top this.

In case you don’t know what the Internet is I’m talking about, Beyoncé unexpectedly released her self-titled fifth studio album on iTunes in the wee hours this morning, singlehandedly annihilating every other musical artist ever.

The album features fourteen songs and seventeen videos and includes a killer line-up of musical guests, including Drake, Jay Z, Justin Timberlake, Pharrell, Timbaland, Frank Ocean, Drake, the two other chicks from Destiny’s Child (just kidding, we love you Michelle… sort of) and, in typical Jay Z-Beyoncé fashion, her infant. (Just kidding, we actually really do love you Blue Ivy. Like, a lot.)

As if we needed more study distractions, Bey uploaded a video to Instagram at midnight this morning with a simple, divalicious caption: “Surprise!”

The queen describes Beyoncé as having a “visual album” concept—the album’s digital booklet contains sizzling cover art for each song, including this one for “Drunk in Love,” her collab with Husband H.O.V. It is literally the most beautiful picture ever taken.

As the incessant flow of Facebook statuses indicates, people are pretty excited about this. The jury’s still out on whether anyone has listened to the album yet, but damn, those statuses are creative. They’re also a great way to determine whether or not that guy you’re crushing on is gay, a quintessential Brown struggle. (Hint: if he made his status something about bowing down to Beyoncé, chances are he’s just not that into you. Don’t take it personally; the only woman in his life is Queen Bey.) 

Although finals may be getting you down, as you trek to the SciLi or Rock today, just know that you have been blessed. The magnitude of this event cannot be played down. Today is the best day since Beyoncé was born. Cherish it. Life is beautiful. Beyoncé is more beautiful.

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The album is available on iTunes for $15.99 (damn!). Now if only it were on Spotify…

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