Older generations always say that our generation is obsessed with technology. They recommend that we lose the tiny screens and opt for sunshine, outdoors, life experience, etc. While that idea is quaint and all, everyone here on teeny-bopper island doesn’t really give a damn. Our electronics, especially our cell phones are pretty much the most important things in our lives (sorry, friends and family.)
And though we can all agree on the importance of cell phones, it appears that cell service providers are determined to strip College Hill of all signals. You know the deal: not only do we have unfathomably undependable WiFi, but we also apparently aren’t capable of sending out texts without seeing that annoying little exclamation point
that kills a little piece of my soul whenever I see it.
I’m not being overdramatic. There is an infinite number of situations that are absolutely devastating because of the state of non-existent reception that we Brunonians live in. Don’t believe me? Here are just a few, super realistic scenarios that prove that having bad cell reception is actually the worst thing that could ever happen:
You’ve just taken a shower, and you’re moseying back to your room when you realize—oh no, you’ve locked yourself out! Luckily, you brought your phone with you, so you quickly give your roommate a call… or so you think. For some ungodly reason, your fucking cell phone can’t find a signal. So, instead of being saved from the chilly hallway and strange looks by your not-as-nude neighbors, you are instead forced to wait for 2 hours while your roommate studies or something ridiculous like that.
You’re listening to the radio and hear about a contest to win an all expense paid trip to Cancun for Spring Break. You give the station a call and turns out you’re caller number 9! After jumping for joy, you begin to give the station manager your information. Suddenly, you hear silence. On your cell phone is the banner-from-hell: CALL FAILED. You hear the radio DJ give away your trip as you cry in the fetal position.
You’re sitting in your room trying to procrastinate effectively, so you decide to check the ol’ Insta. Yet, you keep seeing that same selfie your best friend from middle school put up, like, two days ago. Because of your dorm’s shitty reception (especially if you have brick walls, WTF), you can’t see all your friends Starbucks pics and #tbts. Damn you, cell reception! Now you have to actually study or whatever it is you’re supposed to be doing…
It’s the zombie apocalypse. You’ve watched every season of The Walking Dead, so you feel pretty prepared. After numerous acts of bravery and straight up badass-ery, you’ve managed to gather your entire floor safely in your room. All you need to do now is call the rescue squad who will fly a helicopter to your window so everyone can escape. As you make the call, the zombies begin to break down your door. Now beginning to panic, you instruct the entire room to call, but no one can get a signal. You all die.