Valentine’s Day may be right around the corner, but you can make someone buy you dinner or stay home eating chocolate by yourself any night (if the second option rings a few too many bells, maybe check out Blind Bears). Only on February 14, 2014 will you finally have access to the much-awaited second season of House of Cards–and yet for some reason CVS is still stocking up on Hallmark Valentines instead of the construction paper prototypes of Kevin Spacey’s face that I keep sending to their headquarters. What are they going to refuse to sell next? Cigarettes? Anyway, despite what every jewelry store commercial wants you to think, here are six reasons that Valentine’s Day is far less exciting than House of Cards:
1. February 14 is the first night of Presidents’ Day Weekend. This means four blissfully school-free days to gorge on all 13 new episodes. Sure, your roommate may be spending the weekend going home or visiting friends at Columbia, but you get to travel to the high-profile, high stakes world of cutthroat D.C. politics from the comfort of your own bed. Valentine’s Day is only one night, House of Cards is forever.
2. Netflix has already signed on for a third season of House of Cards. Who even knows if Valentine’s Day will still be around next year? Holiday budgets are only so big and it just doesn’t have the same viewership that it used to…
3. These trailers speak for themselves.
4. Kevin Spacey should be your valentine anyway. He’s a commander of the British Empire and does a killer Morgan Freeman impression (at 3:16):
5. While Valentine’s Day may drive you to drink, House of Cards provides a perfect excuse to drink both socially and purposefully. You can turn it into a drinking game (if you are 21+, of course) by following these rules. Drink every time:
-Frank breaks the 4th wall
-Frank goes to Freddy’s
-Someone is visibly annoyed with Zooey
-Zooey wears cargo (pants or jacket)
-Anyone smokes a cigarette (not purchased at CVS)
6. House of Cards doesn’t care what your Valentine’s Day plans are. House of Cards doesn’t care if you’re spending Friday night eating takeout in your pajamas. House of Cards is there for you unconditionally. Unless you don’t have a Netflix account.