Introducing: The Brown Olympics

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The Sochi 2014 Winter Olympic Games have begun! With a record number of countries participating (88!) in a wide range of sports, there are certainly going to be some great moments for #sportz around the world this month. For many, the Olympics is a time where they can watch people from many parts of the world do things that they had never even dreamed of doing.

But imagine if we had our own Olympic Games here at Brown. Think Unit Wars, but bigger. Much bigger. What if Brown students from all walks of campus life came together to compete in the most absurd activities that Brown students most likely do on a day-to-day basis anyway. This way, even the most average NARPs (guilty) among us might have a chance. Here’s BlogDH’s vision for the Games:

1. Ratty tray luge. Bring out the Ratty trays sitting in the back of your closet from last year’s snowpocalyspe and get ready to fight for the Gold. Heck, tray luge might be the closest you’ll ever get to joining the Jamaican bobsled team so why don’t you give it a try? Gail will even make an appearance! But she’ll most likely want those trays back.

2. Blue Room muffin eating competition. We do this anyway. Why not do it with the whole school? Friends. Potential new friends. Muffins. See ya there. Time TBD.

3. Keeney Quad biathlon. This event has two parts (hence, biathalon). First, students will have to knock down Keeney exit signs. Another team member will have to follow suit and repair the broken exit signs (because they have been trained to do that because this is the Olympics and breaking exit signs isn’t cool, duh). The next event will require team members to use sticky flags to claim all of Keeney’s gender-neutral bathrooms. The team that can break (and repair!) the most exit signs and claim the most bathrooms wins.

4. Meal credit extraordinaire. Make a perfect meal credit at every eatery and you take the gold.

5. SciLi challenge. It’s a Brown tradition, so why not add it to our Olympics? This also has awesome potential for a team activity (coordinating outfits are encouraged).

6. Ratty door strength training. This is not yet a tradition, but it is certainly something that all students bond over when trying to get through the wind-tunnel that is the Ratty doorway. I don’t care how strong you are; those doors are ridiculously heavy. Why not find the strongest at Brown by seeing who can hold the door open for the longest amount of time?

7. Main Green speed-streaking. Why not combine Brown’s love for nude traditions and every student’s favorite location on campus (when the weather isn’t gross). This competition will allow you to show what you’ve got… when it comes to speed.

And for the automatic Gold…

8. Find the creators of Brown Bananas. For those of you haven’t seen this Twitter account, there is a horrifying genius person on our campus who takes pictures of students eating bananas in public and puts these photos on Twitter. Whoever finds the culprit(s) would automatically win Gold by freeing the whole campus from our new perpetual fear of eating bananas in public.

Have any other ideas for Brown-relevant Olympic games? Comment below, and let’s make February a month of memorable competition!

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