Brown sweatshirts and sweaters, ranked

Perhaps in your rush to buy — if you’re into that kind of thing — your textbooks during the past couple of weeks, you looked at, tried on, or even bought some swanky new Brown apparel. And maybe, given this semester’s generally horrendous winter weather, you wanted to beef up the sub-arctic section of your closet. A Brown sweater or sweatshirt would be a great addition to your wardrobe, right? Well, as long as you can free yourself from paralyzing indecision over the seemingly unlimited options you have. Seriously, there are too many kinds of sweaters for sale, particularly crewnecks. We’re here to give you our favorites so you can cut through the Brown-themed clutter. Note: I’m a man, and, though I tried to keep this list as unisex as possible, but I apologize in advance for my lack of knowledge about the women’s section of the Bookstore.

Hate. Polo.

10. Ralph Lauren quarter-zip. Death to this and its kind. This isn’t even one of our fake colors (see #8). I’m not at all a fan of the name-brand invasion of the book store (see: Under Armour). You’re paying upwards of $100 for a little white guy on a horse. If you grab some binoculars, however, you can see a Brown logo. I think.

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9. Fake football jersey. Ok, I understand what the goal was here. You get to look like you just spanked URI in the Governor’s Cup, without the mud stains, concussions, or athleticism. The execution, however, is lacking to say the least. We were founded in 1764, not 17… 64.

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8. Red crew neck. This is not one of our school’s colors. Period. I’m not sure when fire engine red became one of the colors for a school called Brown, but whatever. What are we, Cornell?

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7. The double-pocketed cardigan. I feel like this could be cool, if the buttons weren’t so damn big and so damn gold. In addition, shawl-collar is a real tough look to pull off.

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6. Cursive founding date crew neck. I like the color, and the white shadow contrasts really well with the base. The font of the “Est. 1764,” however, is no more than 2 steps above Comic Sans. It’s also fuzzy, so minus 3 more points.

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5. The Paw. We at BlogDailyHerald are big fans of bears and their paw prints, but this just could have been so much more. Why couldn’t we have a hoodie with Indomitable on it?

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4. Gray crew neck with seal. Now we’re starting to get into the elites of the Brown sweater game. It has our actual seal on it, which I personally am a huge fan of, and it has our school’s name in clear, large font. Too bad it’s in red.

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3. Brown (written out). Clean, crisp, classic. This would have gotten a higher ranking, but there seem to be even more of these on campus than there are Herschel backpacks. That there were stacks upon stacks of these in a prime location (next to the Polo abominations) only confirmed my suspicions that this is a top seller.

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2. Black crew neck. This is an incredibly aesthetically pleasing sweatshirt with one fatal flaw. Do we go to Black University? Or Cream-Gold University? Or Cornell? Yeah; Didn’t think so. That said, the sun-like pattern on the outside and the inclusion of Providence (in acceptable font!) are both awesome. I’m buying this the next time I head to the Bookstore.

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1. Brown crew neck with seal. Can you tell where we go to school without any difficulty? Yes. Does it have our awesome seal on it? Yes. Is it in fact the color whose name our school shares? Yes, yes, and yes. I really had very few requirements for a solid Brown sweatshirt, but it turns out this was the only one that really fit them. We have a winner!

This is by no means an exhaustive list. There are plenty of other worthy-ish Brown sweaters out there. Check out the winner — and its many, many companions — at the Brown University Bookstore!