Despite some of our unhealthy relationships with Siri, akin to Joaquin Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson in Her, technology can be an amazing tool for maintaining real-life relationships, especially sexual ones. Whether you have a vibrator that is synced to your iTunes or a pillow that allows you to hear your partner’s heartbeat wherever they are, technology can be a beautiful thing. And for those in long distance relationships, it’s a necessity.
Because we’re not living in the dark ages, where hand-written letters and the occasional phone call were the only things connecting you and your partner, we have amazing inventions to keep people closer together, even if they are a world away. Skype has grown to be every long distance relationship’s third wheel. Skype, to me, is the most sexually revolutionary product since the Pill, and Skype sex is now a luxury for couples everywhere. So whether your partner goes to a different school, is abroad this semester, or is your 35-year-old neighbor back home, read below for some tips on how to make the most of your Skype sex experience.
1. Talk it out first. While surprise sex is certainly fun when you’re in person, it is nearly impossible to execute from long distance. So plan the basic logistics with your partner. Discuss the ideal situations for turning each other on, telling them what you’d like to see and do, but also acknowledge where to draw the line so that no one is uncomfortable. Just like in everyday sex, neither of you have anything to prove. Remember that you are doing this to enjoy each other so have fun with it! Anxious about what to do? Try talking it through ahead of time to alleviate some of the nervous energy regarding letting loose in front of your computer screen.
2. Practice. Practice being in front of a webcam and know the things that make you feel sexy when you’re “on display.” Whether it’s the lighting, the clothing, or the positioning, be aware of what makes you feel good. Again, I stress, this is about you, not your audience. You will look sexiest if you’re feeling sexiest, angles be damned. This goes for the more intimate stuff as well. Explore yourself physically! Make sure you are getting the most pleasure and that you are comfortable. Do you plan on using a toy or riding solo? Skype sex (and mutual masturbation in general) is an amazing way to share an intimate part of yourself with your partner. So practice. Your partner will know if you’re having a good time and they will be into it, too.
3. Talk dirty. I mean it. Use language to do what your body can’t and to make up for the distance. Because you can’t be there to officially show your partner how turned on you are, tell them! Show appreciation for your partner and give them encouragement. Tell them what you wish you were doing to them and what you’re doing to yourself. If you feel so inclined, vocalize it. Moaning is good. It’s really, really good.
4. Laugh. At times, Skype sex may feel uncomfortable and unnatural. But as my friend Sullivan says, “Sometimes when it starts to feel silly looking at a computer screen, laughing like you would in person eases tension and makes it more organic and real. For me that makes it feel more like sex than just watching each other masturbate. It gets you involved with your partner. Non-verbal ways of indicating pleasure reception, ya feel?” Yes, Sullivan, I feel.
5. Skype-cuddle. After your amazing, mind-blowing Skype sex (or even strange, awkward, giggly, my-foot-got-tangled-in-my-sheets Skype sex) it might be a good idea to have a bit of pillow talk. Talk about what worked and what didn’t and if you would be interested in doing it again. Talk about normal stuff too. As much as you may love the sex, that’s not all Skype is for.
6. Have fun and remember just how HOT THIS IS! You are in different places but enjoying your bodies together at the same time. Be amazed that you have this kind of luxury. I mean come on, why do you think Google is really developing Google glass?
So set a date, some ground rules, lock your door, and have some fun!
Monica Bruinsky and Margaret Snatcher