Health Services can get bogged down treating all of the students on campus, particularly during cold season, which seems to extend from September to May. Some people have experienced a longer than preferred sit in the waiting area whilst picking up a prescription or prior to a doctor’s appointment, but you also may have noticed the wide array of informative pamphlets available for pleasure reading. While waiting for the doctor, we have looked through almost all of the pamphlets, and, in classic BlogDH fashion, are providing you with a top-notch summary. Here’s what you might’ve missed if you’ve never visited a nurse/live in a plastic bubble.
1. You should ingest around 2300mg of salt per day, or one teaspoon. For terrifying, college-relevant reference, 1/2 a block of prepared Ramen noodles is between 800 and 900mg of sodium, 1 tablespoon of soy sauce is 1000 mg, and an extra crispy fried chicken breast (a healthier alternative to a spicy with) is 1010mg. Basically, say goodbye to the easiest Sans Meal Plan dinner, the toppings on your pho at Andrews Commons, and the entirety of Jo’s.
2. When you add more fiber to your diet, you should also drink more water to help the fiber move through your digestive system.
3. If you are a vegetarian who eats dairy products and eggs, you are a lacto-ovo-vegetarian. That means lacto-vegetarians (who do not eat eggs but do eat dairy), and vegans will have a superiority complex around you.
A History Lesson in Alcohol
1. The first beer brewed in colonial America was made from maize by settlers in Roanoke Colony, Virginia, in 1587. No wonder they mysteriously disappeared—they were all shitfaced.
2. The first law against alcohol consumption in America was set in 1623 in Virginia.
3. Beer is believed to have been made in Ancient Babylonia circa 5000 B.C.
Let us all remember that the only thing that gets a drink out of your system is time – approximately 1 hour per drink.
Related to Sex
1. The most accurate results for HIV tests are six months after the last time you did not use a condom or shared a needle.
2. Oil-based lubes such as vaseline or massage oils are BAD because they can cause condoms to leak or break down.
And in breaking news, Health Services now gives out relationship advice.
1. Water, sand, and snow all reflect the Sun’s UV radiation, thus increasing your chance of sunburn. Think about using some sunscreen while we endure the remainder of this icy hell.
2. If you get a piercing on the male genitalia, it takes between 3 and 6 months to heal. If you pierce the naval area, healing takes between six months and a year.
3. The sternum and ribs are the most painful areas to get tattooed.
4. Sit on the middle of your buttocks to help prevent back pain. Who knew your buttocks had a defined beginning, middle and end?
5. When you are bending, “hinge” at your hips, instead of dropping down your head or rounding your back. This is Health Services endorsing the Bend and Snap routine, and providing essential evidence that Elle Woods belonged at Brown and not Harvard.
1. Tar and some carcinogens are present at higher levels in marijuana than tobacco.
2. Synthetic marijuana is produced by scientists, but it is not intended for recreational use. Sometimes these synthetic chemicals are sold on the street, but they are very harmful for people.
3. A very thorough investigation of the effects of THC, including the scientific use of the word “munchies”:
An informative card that counteractively makes LSD look really appealing:
And what appears to be an acute misunderstanding of the campus-wide addiction to Breaking Bad:
1. Driving sleepy is as dangerous as driving drunk.
2. REM sleep is very important for “consolidating newly formed information.” This means that you should probably skip out on your next all nighter, because science says that the end of a good night’s sleep is essential for memory retention.
3. Napping after 3 p.m. can mess with a good night’s sleep, as can exercise within 6 hours of bedtime.
4. Some people need only 5 hours of sleep, and others needs as much as 10. Marathon sleepers, stop letting your friends give you shit for sleeping the full ten hours, because Health Services just validated your life choices. Or, at least some of your life choices.
1. Apparently CS can kill… or at least maim. Frequent computer users are at risk for carpal tunnel syndrome and tendonitis. There is an entire pamphlet dedicated to attempting to save the CS majors.
The takeaway from our educational trip to Health Services? Friends don’t let friends do CS. Stay above the code-fluence!