Questions Brown students are tired of answering

Screen Shot 2014-02-23 at 9.16.48 PMThanks mostly to people like Bill O’Reilly and Jesse Watters, Brown has received more than its fair share of negative publicity in recent years. This publicity has solidified Brown’s already well-established reputation as a liberal, pot-smoking hippie bastion (correction: Brown is a liberal, pot-smoking hipster bastion). But, since Brown is not Miley Cyrus, there is such thing as bad press. Thanks to Fox News many misinformed people, rumors about scandalous and puzzling behavior at Brown have been circulating like crazy. When we returned home for winter break, every other conversation we had included at least one question from a shocked friend or family member about the enigma that is Brown. So we’ve compiled a few of our favorites and also provided time-tested answers guaranteed to stop the ceaseless flow of inane queries like these:

Q: Brown has no grades, right?

A: Wrong.

Is Brown a historically black college?

No.

What was it like when the nudists were walking around campus with their junk out?

I don’t know how to answer this question, because that never happened.

Have you seen Emma Watson?

No. Someone living in Wyoming has as good a chance of seeing her as we do.

Do you have majors?

Yes.

Wait, but every class is pass/fail, right?

No.

Do you have a football team?

I think so. Yes.

Have you ever seen a naked person?

Yes, have you?

Are there kids that don’t smoke weed?

Please, pigeonhole more, I dare you. 

How will you get a job if you don’t have a GPA?  

Let me answer your question with another question: How will you get a job if you’re such a buzzkill?

Did you go to that sex party?

Actually, SexPowerGod is a party focusing on self-exploration and empowerment. Nudity is completely optional, and many people attend SPG clothed.

If you’re really so busy, then how come you’re always smiling? 

It must be all the weed. Because I’m happy.

So you must be a humanities major, right?

Ugh, I hate that you’re right because now I fulfill every stereotype you have about Brown students. No, not all Brown students fulfill the Brown stereotype.

Brown is an Ivy League school?

I am not Wikipedia. Look it up.

Doesn’t everyone at Brown get an A? Just for effort?

I’d like you to think about that question for one more minute and then decide if you think it’s a good one.

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4 Comments

  1. Blanco Diaz

    Is Chris Paxson an airhead? Yes. Why? Dunno probably she was picked by her predecessor Ruth Simmons, who is an airhead too. But then your football players must be effeminate right? Actually no. They are punk-assed he-man type who can read but choose not to. The only reason they are there is because of some screwed up policy espoused by the airheads. Did I hear that you guys don’t like Ray Kelly? Oh you heard the story. Actually it’s wrong. We love Ray Kelly, but we love more to listen to our own screams, and the airhead didn’t know how to handle us. Why not? Because she is an airhead, dumbo!

  2. Keeping it real

    Most of this is great, but

    “Did you go to that sex party?

    Actually, SexPowerGod is a party focusing on self-exploration and empowerment. Nudity is completely optional, and many people attend SPG clothed.”

    Come on

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