The best prank calls to (n)ever exist

shittyphonesImsorry

The highlight of my Middle School career was perfecting the art of prank calling. I probably could pursue a second concentration in the field with the amount of time that I spent on Free 411 pretending that my cow was in labor or that I wanted to be connected with 1-800-Flowers. While I like to think I’ve put those days behind me, I recently heard about some of the prank calls you can do through Prankowl.com and it’s pretty amazing terrifying.

On top of being able to use the typical prank calling soundboards, you can do what Prank Owl calls the “Operator Prank.” This allows you to enter two of your friends’ phone numbers online, and then the site has these two phones dial each other. To make this even less legal acceptable, you can choose how long you want the phone call to last, and you can even listen to the conversation for as long as two and a half minutes. Let me reiterate that this can’t be legal, but it currently exists.

I began to imagine the best (imaginary) pairs to subject to this prank. Here are some (questionable) ideas for Operator Prank pairs:

1. Gail and Abraham Lincoln. One can only hope it would play like this:

Abe: Four score and seven…

Gail: Hiiiiiiii.

A: Conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that…

G: Hiiiiiiii.

A: Gail? Is that you? Soul Food Night was rockin’.

2. Buddy Cianci and a sandwich. We know how much Buddy loves his breakfast, but how does he feel about lunch?  If anyone can make a sandwich talk, it would be Buddy.

3. Frank Underwood and Olivia Pope.  This would be the most intimidating phone call ever — just thinking about it can give you the chills.  There would be a lot of ambiguous threats and the conversation would probably end with Underwood needing to use his rowing machine and Pope needing her awesomely shaped wine glass to console her.

4. King Joffrey and Professor Fiery Cushman. Someone needs to analyze why Joffrey would make Sansa look at her father’s decapitated head, and it seems like Fiery could be just the guy for the job. Was it simply for the thrill? Was he feeling inadequate? Was it an automatic or controlled response? Show us a cool Social Psych study and make sense of our confusion.

5. Richard Simmons and Suga Mama. When was the last time that you thought about The Proud Family Suga Mama would obviously get sick of Simmons’ enthusiasm and unleash the sass right away.

6. Cookie Monster and The Cake Boss. The conversation would most likely start like this:

Cookie Monster: Me want cookie!

Cake Boss: But I’m the Cake Boss.

CM: Me want cooooookie!

CB: Still the Cake Boss.

CM: Me want cooooookie!!!!

The Cake Boss would then hang up and proceed to make the coolest cookie cake the world has ever seen.

7. Aretha Franklin and Benjamin Franklin. We are anticipating discussions about kites, singing, and perhaps even a sitcom entitled “Keeping up with the Franklins.”

8. Four-way call with the plastics and Betty White. Regina George, meet your worst nightmare. This Golden Girl is not messing around.

More ideas? Let us know in the comments below.

Leave a Reply