A Misanthrope’s Guide to Movies: Non-Stop

Liam-Neeson-Non-Stop1

On Monday, Brown Motion Pictures hosted a pre-screening at The Avon of Liam Neeson’s new movie, Non-Stop. What was Mr. Neeson up against in this two hour comedy thriller? Wolves, like in The Grey? Nope. Kidnappers, like in Taken, Taken 2, and (presumably), the upcoming Taken 3? Try again. No, in Non-Stop our good friend Mr. Neeson combated, in this order, bad cell service, alcoholism, and terrorism.

Neeson plays the troubled agent Marks, one of two US air marshals on a flight to Heathrow. He might be an air marshal, but this certified bad ass doesn’t follow the rules. He often finds himself chain smoking in a tiny lavatory with duct tape over the detector (because obviously no one will smell smoke on him when he leaves that confined space), despite the fact that a hijacking is in progress.

I would say the movie is 50% sneering and 50% Liam Neeson getting drunk while people tell him not to (what with the terrorism and all). I would say more things happen, but not even Liam Neeson himself thinks there’s much to talk about. In his interview with Jon Stewart last night, instead of talking about the movie, they talk about horse-drawn carriages in New York (topical).

Despite Non-Stop‘s complete stupidity, I absolutely loved it and would see it at least four more times (warning: spoilers ahead). For one thing, Nancy Donovan Julianne Moore is there. For another, she gives up the window seat, which she threw a major bitch-fit to get, only to then give it to a little girl who almost flies out of the plane because that side of the aircraft kind of goes away. Don’t worry, Liam Neeson can save a little girl from flying out of a plane. He can do other shit too! Like when the plane is plummeting from 40,000 feet to 8,000 feet (I’m no math major, but that seems like a lot of feet), he catches a gun midair and nails a perfect kill shot.

Above: physics

Above: physics.

So go. Go once it hits theaters (today!). It’s non-stop fun. And remember, if you’re looking for a bomb, IT’S HIDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BRIEFCASE FULL OF COCAINE.

Images via and via.

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