Sextion: Sex and your dorm room

With the brand new online Housing Lottery happening this week, we thought it would be appropriate to give students the ability to cater their dorm-preferences to their sexual ones. So, below we have a list of some sexual activities and preferences, and where you should live if you want to engage in them.

Exhibitionism (sight): if the thing that gets you off most is the possibility of being seen while engaging in sexual activity, I would suggest living right on Wriston Quad or Patriot’s Court. These areas get a lot of foot traffic, and the rooms are very visible to passersby. Rooms in Marcy and Diman can be seen from almost all sides, but if you’re living in Sears (where AXO and Phi Psi are)pick a room that either faces the quad or George Street behind. Or you could live in New Dorm, picking a room that faces onto Vartan Gregorian Quad — that’ll really give people an eyeful as they come to Jo’s on a Friday or Saturday night. And of course, stand near the window. And for all of you lovely voyeurs out there, now you know where to look.

Wriston Quad Pan

Exhibitionism (sound): if you love the idea of someone hearing you have sex, every little breath, moan, scream, and bed-spring squeak, I would suggest living in Grad Center. As those who have ever lived in Grad Center can attest, being next-door neighbors with someone loud is not the issue, it’s those that live directly above you. As my friend Rory says, “Not only can I hear when the people above me have sex, I can hear their phone vibrations and the sound of their G-chat going off.” So, if you want to be heard, pick a suite in Grad Center above the first floor, though honestly pretty much every dorm could use some better sound insulation. But, be warned, your neighbors probably won’t like you.

grad-center

Elevator sex: if you enjoy the element of surprise when it comes to sex and hooking up, consider living in a dorm with an elevator, where anyone can come in at any time. For those that love a good, long elevator ride, you should consider living in Minden, with 8 floors-worth of sexy elevator time. And, it’s so close to the Scili, that you can always pop over there and ride it for a good 14 floors.

BrownUniversity-MindenHall

Shower sex: if you love shower sex and want a private shower of your own to explore, you should consider living in Barbour, Young O, or 315 Thayer. These dorm rooms have single-occupancy, private bathrooms that are perfect if you enjoy long, steamy showers with your partner without the fear of interruption. The showers are a bit small, so it’ll be a tight fit, but if shower sex is something you and your partner really enjoy, the privacy and cleanliness of your own bathroom between you and your suitemates is worth it. If shower sex is something you’re passionate about, you can always invest in one of several brands of shower handles complete with super strong suction cups to make sure you don’t slip while engaging in this steamy activity!

315-Thayer-Street-4301

Or, if you like to live dangerously, we suggest Slater. And, of course, if you’re into wild, raucous sex where no one can hear or see you, we suggest you live in off campus. 

Happy lottery!

Monica

Images via, via, via, and via.

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