If the Main Green were the Mean Girl’s cafeteria…

As the arctic tundra that is Providence warms up (or doesn’t—it’s almost May and we’re still in our fucking winter jackets), the Main Green becomes a certified animal kingdom. Although Brown is far from North Shore High School, sometimes the Main Green really does resemble the infamous Mean Girls cafeteria. In honor of Mean Girls’s 10th anniversary and the subsequent festivities, we decided we’d make our own little guide to the Main Green. First, you have us, the greatest people you will ever meet…

Green-dwellers 

The second these guys see sun, it’s bye-bye class, hello grass. As people filter in and out of the Main Green, the green-dweller is the constant we can all depend on. We admire your dedication.

Frisbee-ers

The quintessential Brown students, these bros love soakin’ up a few rays. Usually wearing a bandana, they obviously bring a Disc wherever they go. The second it the thermometer breaks 40 degrees, they can be spotted on the patch of Green in front of Sayles steps. They can’t be tamed.

Stair people

Version A: The Hipster

Usually wearing black.

Version B: Those who want to be seen

Also usually wearing black (many are from “The City”). They’re simultaneously doing work and looking fabulous.

Sunbathers

These guys are sort of listening to what you’re saying, but mostly they’re just positioning themselves to be in the best sunlight. But, unlike the real sunbathers, all their clothes are still on.

Real sunbathers.

These ones aren’t fucking around.

Slack-liners

Is it a sport? Is it a hobby? A way of life? Whatever, it’s awesome.

The socialite.

Seen bopping between seated clusters on the green, this person is looking to see as many people as phe can. Famous last words: “I’ll be right back.”

Sleepers.

Better than the SciLi, right?

Confused people who think they’re going to get work done.

This ain’t the Quiet Green.

Sign-this-petition people.

Wait, the Corporation did what? 

Stoners

Every so often, Brown circa 1969 rears its head on the Main Green. Leaving their natural habitat of dorm rooms with Christmas lights, the stoners remind us why we love Brown oh so much. After all, at what other school is it acceptable to smoke a jay in the middle of campus?

Snack-n-go people

Because a Blue Room booth is hard to come by. Much like the socialite, this person isn’t looking for deep conversation, just a little small talk to go with phe’s muffin.

Instagrammers 

Caption: “I know I post the Main Green a lot, but…*flower emoji*” Likes: 60.

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