What your lanyard says about you

 lanyard

They say a foolproof way to identify a first-year is by simply looking at the way they dress and act. If said first-year is clad head-t0- toe in Brown gear (socks included) and basically looks like the human embodiment of “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield as he/she struts down the Main Green snapchatting every squirrel in sight, then you’ve probably got yerself a freshie! It’s important not to overlook certain subtleties, however, such as the way they sport their shiny new Brown lanyards. Here is a guide to deciphering your new first-year friends through their lanyard styles!

Hanging around the neck

Here we have the standard model. These freshmen thrive on efficiency and know how forgetful they may get. I mean, it’s going to be a hectic first few weeks juggling shopping period schedules and take-out plates, and you’re bound to lose your ID if it’s not within a 2 inch radius of you the whole time. Also, these freshies just feel ridiculously #blessed to be at Brown and rightfully so (open curriculum + Gail)! They have no problem flaunting every Brown item they own, and are incredibly optimistic about their college years. Oh, to be young again…

Hanging from their pockets 

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They’re the cool cats, and they know it. These freshmen have probably already made like five RISD friends and two from London. The V-dub and Ratty are out of the question the first few days of school. It’s all about Chipotle and Mama Kim’s! Deep down, these freshmen just don’t want to risk being called noobz, but you know, whatever, it’s all chill.

Bejeweled lanyard

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but budget-friendly adhesive rhinestones from CVS are a college freshman’s close second. These freshmen are obviously artistically inclined, and know that the shinier, the better. If not bedazzled, their lanyards are probably lined up with super creative pins. Bonus points if they’re repping a Brown band pin somewhere on there.

ID in a separate case

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Lanyards are weird and dangly and just won’t do these freshmen’s outfits any favors. They prefer to keep their ID in a separate case or sleeve, maybe a groovy Lisa Frank one or the latest Tory Burch model. To be honest, these separate ID sleeves have always just freaked me out. They’re unnecessary, like Pumpkin Spice Oreos. At least these freshmen are starting to compartmentalize. Now, there’s a good Brunonian!

Non-Brown lanyard

In an effort to stay unique, these freshmen will opt for their favorite football team’s lanyard instead, or perhaps the lanyard given to them at that life-changing precollege program. Be extra wary of Harvard lanyardees.

No lanyard (???)

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Same.

These students are the outliers to years of accumulated data. They believe in stuffing everything in their obviously ill-sized wallets, including their room key. You are sure to find their philosophy class syllabus in there, too. I guess everyone just has different ways of keeping organized, but these freshmen should spare themselves the tragedy of spending $20 on a new ID (at least until next semester).

First-years, fear not! It’s not like all we upperclassmen do is judge your every action. Well, maybe a little, but it’s just because we love y’all. Happy shopping period, and good luck navigating our infinite list of Brown acronyms!

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