How to get yourself off that email list

So, it happened again. You wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy and check your emails to see 23 completely irrelevant messages hovering in your inbox. Then you just want to throw your phone against a wall because if there’s no sign of free Kabob and Curry, you don’t really give a shit.

The annual activities fair is a chance for you to reinvent yourself via various forms of dancing, post-modern non-heteronormative friendship circles, and advocacy for diseases you thought were eradicated around the time of the Black Death. You sign yourself up for, like, twenty too many things — new semester, new you! — and you begin to refamiliarize yourself with an inbox so full that if you didn’t wake up with a headache, you sure as well have one now.

The closest I come to tech-savvy is wiping down my laptop with makeup remover pads once every two months, so it should be no surprise that I have zero clue how to remove myself from a listserv. That being said, I’ve had to send my fair share of “sorry, I decided I don’t want to join your weekly friendship circle” emails. If you’re in that sticky situation — or, perhaps, the group you’re trying to consciously uncouple from has an email list and not a listserv — here’s my go-to “c ya” email. Because, obviously, we would never want to be rude.

Think of it as a very simple equation:
-Greeting with exclamation point
-Thank you
-Impersonal compliment
-Maybe in the future (it’s not you, it’s me)
-Casual sneak in of “time to break up”
-Thanks again, love ya
-Byeeeeee

Hi Whatever Your Name Is!

Thanks so much for giving me these weekly updates about Your Club. It sounds like everything you’re doing is super awesome and actually fun to the point where I’m pretty bummed I haven’t been able to make it yet this semester. Hopefully I see you guys again at the winter activities fair because I think I’ll have time to add something else **flavorful** to my plate with a lighter workload next semester. If you could just take me off the email list until then, and then I’ll re-sign up, that’d be perfect [“perfect” substitutable with “perf” here, left to the writer’s discretion]. 

Again, thanks for continuing to reach out!!! See ya around, and good luck!

–Your First Name Here [we’re trying to keep it friendly and casual, like a one night stand]

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