It’s no doubt that we live in the age of the “selfie,” to linguists’ dismay, but what does this really tell us about the underlying principals of current society? Ok, we’re not about to invoke Chomsky or get too technical here. In fact, TIME Magazine put it quite simply: our generation is a bunch of narcissistic assholes. Well, you’re in luck, kiddos, because the following list of the best places to check out your appearance on campus will help you become the best version of your “assholey-millennial” self!
For the record, I am physically repulsed by the word “millennial,” and I would push instead for the label “fabuluxe trailblazers,” but whatever, TIME, you win this one.
1. BioMed building facing Brown St.
This is the quintessential checkout spot. The extremely reflective windows seem to go on for days, and allow you to catch a glimpse of your entire body in motion, because sometimes you just need to triple check that your skirt is obeying gravity on those windy autumn days. Also, apparently there are offices behind these windows. Cool, then, this has just confirmed my worry that a bunch of strangers may have gained insider’s access to my nostrils.
2. V-dub restrooms
I can’t speak for the men’s restroom (my next investigative journalism endeavor, perhaps?), but the women’s restroom is ideal for a little touch-up before heading to class. There’s a small room before reaching the actual toilets that is perfectly lit, with a mirror that spans the entire wall. There’s even a table to place your assorted items so that you don’t have to just drop them on the floor. And, based on the latest Brown Confessions, you really don’t want to leave anything (like your dignity) on those restroom floors.
3. Faunce basement restroom
The women’s restroom (again, my apologies to the men of Brown) has a wide body-length mirror that also covers an entire wall. Just be careful not to get slammed by the adjacent door as you become lost in your sexy reflection.
4. Thayer St.
Similar to the BioMed building, you can walk and check yourself out in the store windows at the same time. You’ll feel like a supermodel during NY Fashion Week. Umm, think of all the construction work as a super trendy obstacle course runway! Unlike the BioMed building, you’ll actually notice if people inside these stores and restaurants are judging you. But, like our modern-day sage Taylor Swift once remarked, just shake it off.
5. Laptop screen
Sometimes, a dimmed iPhone screen just won’t do. Turning down the brightness on your laptop screen creates an instant mirror if you’re in class or in any public setting. But just be prepared for all the dust and unidentified blotches that will suddenly be revealed – Is that yesterday’s guac?
6. Tealuxe mirrors
You can come here for some A+ Pumpkin Chai and check in on your appearance, as well. As you go to the milk and sugar station, you can quickly catch a glimpse of yourself on the freakishly clean mirrors above the table. Or, don’t make it quick. Take your sweet time fixing your hair, and take a peek as you turn around because that booty needs a little love, too. As for the onlooking employees, relax- they’re used to this. Just don’t tell them I sent you.
Snapchat is the perfect excuse to take a selfie without appearing vain because it is quickly becoming a visual language of its own. I’m pretty sure even Obama snaps, probably pictures of Bo or #chillin in theOval Office. Snapchat also gives you the chance to explore your facial expression range, and gain an even deeper appreciation (or fear) of the little quirks that make you, you!
Honestly, you shouldn’t care if people deem you self-absorbed for taking the time to admire yourself. Everyone deserves to feel like a rockstar (maybe not the Bono type). So, engage in some selfservice today and appreciate the heck out of your beautiful being!