The 10 most #basic Snapstories

Last October, Snapchat unveiled its feature that would change social media stalking forever: the Snapstory. In case you’re unfamiliar with this new technological feat, Snapstories are the new Facebook status — an impersonal way to tell everyone what aspects of your life they should be jealous of you’re doing, when you’re doing it, and who you’re doing it with. Snapstories are, in their essence, a double edged sword: you put yourself out there, a vulnerable iPhone user prone to judgment and shit-talking galore, but the viewer puts him/herself out there, too. Snapchat tells you who views your story and how quickly (read: desperately) they view it.

Through Snapstories, you can create a new identity. You are no longer just you — you are your Fraturday shotguns; you are your yoga pants; you are the indulgent fro-yo you ate this afternoon; you are the hangover nap (or even the hangover shit) you just took. Though dozens of Snapstories show up on your feed every day, you might quickly realize that, in fact, they’re kind of all the same. Or more aptly, they’re kind of all #basic.

We’re here to break it down for you so that you can finally come to terms with just how #basic your Snapchat persona is. Without further ado, here are the 10 most basic Snapstories:

1. Concerts
Yes. We get it. You’re a carefree college student who likes to have fun and go crazy at random EDM concerts. But just because you go to the concerts does not mean you have to document every second of them. Snapstories at concerts take the number one spot on our list of the most #basic snapstories because they are the most ubiquitous, and probably the most annoying. No one wants to see 131 seconds of flashing lights, screaming girls and unintelligible bass.

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2. Clubs
Club snapstories fall just below concerts in terms of #basicness. You get all of the flashing lights and loud music, but now you also get to see close-up shots of people holding $15 dollar cocktails while pretending to enjoy themselves. Ok, ok, they’re not ALL that bad, but if we wanted to watch videos of drunk guys fist pumping under a black light, we’d watch the Jersey Shore.

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3. Drinking/pregaming/taking shots/tailgating:
Snapstories relentlessly remind us that college life often involves alcohol consumption, in case you forgot [Ed. But really, how?]. Do you want us all to know that you drink? Does it give you an ego boost to show everyone how fast you can shotgun a beer while dressed like a clown at a tailgate? Or let me guess… it’s ladies’ night, and all the girlies and pounding shots in honor of “feelin’ sexy and free.” Sometimes it’s hard to decipher if the purpose of the Snapstory is to brag about your social life or to actually show how wasted you are via terrible camera skills and awful content.

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4. Cute animals
As much as we hate to admit it, cute animal snapstories are actually our favorite. The only problem is that they are EVERYWHERE. One can only handle a certain amount of cuteness in his or her day. Seeing one picture of a tiny puppy running around a college green is great. Two? Even better. But once you start to hit the 30+ second mark, it gets a little excessive.  

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5. Hot dogs or legs?
Yeah, like it’s really that effing hard to tell. The age-old question comes back to haunt us, and with the advent of the Snapstory, will likely never be retired. The question of “is it hot dogs, or is it legs?” is the perfect way to mask your desire to flaunt your bikini body to the widest audience possible in the most socially acceptable medium there is to do so (or so you think).

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6. Food
What once started as an Instagram phenomenon (and remains ubiquitous – were looking at you #eeeeeats), has now transitioned into a snapstory nuisance. There’s nothing like seeing someone enjoying a delicious, mouth-watering meal on snapchat while we’re picking our way through the Ratty. Don’t get us wrong, we’re so happy to see that you’re enjoying yourself, but it’s a bit torturous.

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7. Weather/beautiful scenery A.K.A. “my college is so pretty”
What do you get when you combine a college building built before World War II, a changing of the seasons, and eager college students with iPhones? We have a love/hate relationship with this type of snapstory. On one hand, you get to see what your friends’ campuses look like, you get to see what they’re doing, and its also a confirmation that they survived syllabus week. On the other hand, anything that isn’t sent from our your own college is inferior, and therefore isn’t worth a snapstory.

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8. Library/studying:
Ah, the subtle way of saying you’re a little smartie pants who is exhausted in the library from hours of toiling over existential theorists. There are many ways to go about this one — you can do the “I know I look pretty in this dim, haunted lighting so here’s a selfie” or, as some prefer, the “My friends and I are really delirious, wearing comfy clothing and trendy rimmed reading glasses, and can’t stop loudly singing early 2000’s pop.” Extra points if you display a really cool book on the syllabus.

Basic example:

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Winner, though:

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9. Gym
Do you even lift bro? That is the question of our generation. According to most college-aged guys, the answer is a unanimous yes. Our generation’s obsession with being overly muscular has manifested itself in snapstory form. But girls are just as guilty. Soul cycle tank? Check. Lululemon yoga pants? Double check. Brightly colored Nike shoes? Now you’ve got the complete package.

10. NMJC in ma dorm room: 
Simply put, an effective way to display how good your room looks upon complete decoration. Also used to show how *cute*, *fun*, ‘n *silly* you and your BFFs are on a cozy night in.

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If you’re anything like us, you’re probably guilty of posting almost all of these. Rather than offering criticism, this article was meant to celebrate the #basicness of all of our snapstories. Without the irritating concert footage, beach photos, and gym selfies, snapstory wouldn’t be snapstory! Snapstories are inherently #basic in form, and the more we try and fight this, the less fun it gets. So embrace your inner club rat, screaming fan girl, or bookworm, and become the film director you were meant to be.

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1 Comment

  1. Susannah

    Guys!!!! Next time I’m publicly called #basic I would like to know.

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