Imagine 250+: Homecoming, a beginner’s reflections

Okay guys, here we go. Game day. Day of the BIG GAME. Brown versus Harvard, alright alright alright. Boy, I am amped to be the official reporter for this homecoming game. I truly feel as if the stakes could not be any higher, and I mean that sincerely. Full disclosure, I am unfamiliar with the rules of football, but I will not let that stop my hard-hitting play by play! I promise (maybe) that I won’t get bored twenty minutes into the first half.

Above: Football I understand

Above: The kind of football I understand

First thing to note about this game – there are lots of drunk people here. Also lots of penny loafers and blazers, which I think is weird, but to each his own. Who am I to judge? I am not judgmental. I’m bitter I don’t have a Brown State shirt I’m not sure how I feel about the Brown State shirts. Anyway, some people are actually painted with our school colors. That’s pride! Especially since our school colors tend to fall distinctly into the poop-brown and blood-red camps, covering your body in such is a true sign of loyalty.

Anyway, the game. Right – the game!  Brown actually has the ball right now, which I was lead to believe is rare, but I think we’ve had it for a while. At least a down or two. It’s really nice we get to keep the ball even if we drop it! Must be a football thing. Oh, we dropped it, and now Harvard took it. Can they do that? That feels like stealing.

Update: I asked the gentlemen next to me if stealing the ball is a foul and it is not. Nice guy. I’ll befriend him as the game goes on. The Brown band is KILLING it right now. Very into it. Whoever says a tuba restricts movement is very wrong.

Why do we have, like, one hundred kids on the football team? That seems— oh, people are cheering. I’ll cheer. Update, I put down my pen, cheered, and now I’m writing about the cheering. The cheerleaders are cheering. It’s their job, but I kind of feel like the crowd is doing it better. Harvard cheerleaders have been doing a booty thing, and Brown cheerleaders are doing a step-touch situation. It’s a touchdown! I just learned a touchdown means you avoid confrontation with other people for enough yards that the ball gets to go back to your house. Okay, now we have 7 points and they have 6. The person I asked about fouls is less receptive to explaining scoring. What is happening?

The halftime show is lackluster, veering on non-existent. I bet when Harvard turned 250, they got Bono or something. 

I tuned out. Sorry. I’m tired of sitting,  and the guy next to me wouldn’t tell me when the seventh inning stretch was, so I took a walk. I think he’s not as into being friends as I am. His loss. Anyway, it’s been 14-13 them for a while now, so I think we totally have time to catch up. There’s a whole quarter left.

Okay, so scoring in this game is absolutely crazy. Crazier than downs, where you get four, but sometimes more, if the ball does a thing with the floor and hands. I don’t know. I just don’t know. Anyway, Harvard somehow has 22. DOESN’T MATTER! YOU GOT THIS BRUNO.

Never mind.

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