Christmas Sweaters Return to Brown


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Revamped, reinvigorated, and redesigned, the Brown Ugly Christmas Sweaters arrived back in the campus bookstore last week in what is sure to become the latest pioneer of Brunonian self-parody high fashion. Released now in September, the sweater is innovative, and quite literally ahead of its time.

Following the wild success of last year’s sweater—an awe-inspiring appropriation of secular Nordic imagery into tessellated arabesques reminiscent of early-Middle Eastern art—the bookstore released its new line that manages to incorporate the best of its predecessor’s themes while exploring a bold new frontier in maximalist iconography.  In a wonderfully coy gesture, antlers and a red nose adorn Brown’s bear mascot, reimagining our vicious predator as a familiar and friendly spirit of the holidays. The work of a true genius, the sweater should be another triumph for the bookstore, a paradigm-shift in the campus’s sartorial sensibilities.

Brown Bookstore Online has expertly titled this piece Champion Red **UGLY** Christmas (Sweater) Sweatshirt. Wearing this sweater, you are sure to feel like a champion, yes, but it’s the (Sweater) Sweatshirt duality should really capture the attention of the reader. What does it mean, in our modern age, to be both a sweater and a sweatshirt? Is it a clever nod to the rise of Normcore? Or a sign of the apparel’s inner existential conflict? No one, I think, can truly answer these questions. Luckily, the title is followed by a laconic description that boldly questions our language’s basic syntactical structure, **Back for another year – with an even uglier design! **  Impress your friends and family with your **BAD** taste!  Notice their asterisks for ironic emphasis. Quotation marks are for Philistines.

The sweater is offered in a limited run only and is being sold at the bookstore for $22.99.

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