Flog Daily Herald: Rain

To state the glaringly obvious: it is raining (or was raining, depending on when this is published). And while I like thunderstorms on Facebook as much as the next girl, this weather is putting a serious damper (pun intended) on my day. There are infinite reasons why rain is at best inconvenient, and at worst a total, utter life-ruining disaster, but here are just a few:

1. Laundry

It has now rained two days in a row, which means I have now wasted two perfectly good pairs of leggings. They are both too wet to wear again for the next few days, and too dirty with rain chemicals (idk, I’m not a scientist) to be worn again ever until they are washed. Should this weather continue, or should I decide to go to the gym (but why would I), I will be forced to sacrifice even more articles of clothing to an untimely death by rain. Lucky for me, I have a virtually unending supply of black leggings, but even this stock will eventually run dry (another pun), and I will be forced to do laundry. This will cost me not only at least $3, but, even more valuable, at least an hour and a half of my time. If it weren’t for rain, I could surely make it at least 8 weeks without ever washing my clothes. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again.

2. Umbrellas

It will forever elude me why people continue to uphold the societally-shared illusion that umbrellas do anything. Umbrellas cover, maximum, 3 inches of your head. The rest of your body is still exactly as open to the elements as it would be if you just wore a hat. If anything, I think my legs get wetter when I use an umbrella due to water runoff. Moreover, umbrellas somehow have the unique ability to turn the most intelligent and able-bodied people into the walking blind. You know how large your umbrella is, so please account for that when you walk by someone. Yes, hitting someone in the face with your umbrella is kind of funny, but also kind of makes you an asshole.

3. When cars drive through puddles and you get splashed.

This one is pretty self-explanatory, but truly nothing is worse. Granted, this happens to me far less in Providence than back in Chicago, but sheer PTSD from past, drenching experiences forces me to walk at least two feet from any curb at all times when it’s raining. Each time I am forced to cross the street and a car drives by, I brace my entire body for the inevitable tidal wave of water. That is no way to live!

4. People who say they like the rain.

No. You don’t. You like the rain when you’re inside, sure. We all do. There is no way you like walking to class in a downpour and then being forced to sit through a lecture sopping wet. Everyone likes thunderstorms from the comfort of their own home, but no one likes getting their clothes wet; it’s human nature. It is my firm belief that everyone who pretends to like getting caught in the rain, should be hit in the face with an umbrella.

5. People who complain about the fact that it is raining.

This isn’t just your thing – we’re all experiencing this misery an equal amount. Frankly, I am too busy feeling sorry for myself to share any of my sympathy with you.

There is an old children’s song that put it best:

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Rain, rain, go away,
Come again some other day.
Little Johnny wants to play,
In the meadow by the hay.

Rain, rain, go to Spain.
Never show your face again.

Rain, rain, pour down,
But not a drop on our town.

I don’t know who little Johnny is or why he wants to play with hay, and I’m not even sure this is the version I actually learned as a child. But it does have one sentiment that I agree with: the rain should go directly to Spain. I don’t know why, but I feel like they deserve it, and my friends there look like they are having way too much fun abroad.

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