If you’ve been anywhere near social media lately, you’ll know that fall is upon us. We are in the thick of (Instagrams of) changing leaves, colorful scarves, and autumnal pumpkin spice lattes. Fall comes with a practically mandatory checklist of activities that you must complete and record with photo documentation. Yet as I complete every item on my fall checklist, I can’t help but feel like a total try-hard. It seems to me that fall is just about the most basic and contrived season of all time.
1. Apple Picking
The first item on everyone’s fall checklist list is apple picking. For a few hours and a couple bucks, you can don a flannel and pretend you’re a Puritan who stumbled out of a J Crew. Apple picking is a great way to get fresh produce and reconnect with nature (?) but the fun is strained. It’s tiring and you have to take one million pictures until everyone has a new default photo of their liking.
2. Pumpkin Flavored Everything
Starting around September, every major food chain rolls out a new product flavored “pumpkin” as if said product isn’t just flavored “cinnamon.” I love a good Pumpkin Spice Latte as much as the next seventh-grade-girl-trapped-in-a-19-year-old’s body, but I resent the fact that Starbucks has built an empire on something that tastes like flavors they already had. To me, pumpkins (and gourds for that matter) are the decorative vegetables you keep around the house during Halloween – they’re certainly not sweet and delicious.
3. Autumnal Instagrams
If you don’t know what I’m talking about, download the app “Instagram” and follow Kiel James Patrick. Without Instagram, fall practically wouldn’t exist. Extra points if you use the word “foliage” in your caption or the filter “Mayfair.”
“Sweater Weather” has extended past your typical Bill Cosby sweater to items like scarves, vests, and tall boots – AKA a bunch of stuff that looks like it might potentially keep you warm without actually doing it. Why do vests exist? Who was the first person to cut off their jacket sleeves? (for vest history, click here) And non-wool scarves are simply body ornaments.
Halloween might be my favorite holiday of (f)all time but I won’t dress it up (ha ha). Halloween is the one chance you get to put on costumes and beg for candy. And if you don’t get candy you have to play a trick…? Feels a little forced.
6. Preparing for Hibernation
The only activity on my fall checklist that doesn’t seem contrived is preparing for winter. This includes scanning L.L. Bean for anything with “ultrawarm” in the title and crying while looking through pictures from summer while listening to the song “Am I Wrong.” Fall is simultaneously the most beloved and overdone season of all time. It’s one of those things that you either love or love to hate. Sometimes I can’t tell if I hate fall or just miss summer…