Sextion: Your Guide to Booty Call Texting

Sextion

People who attended college before the advent of cell phones had it much harder, at least in the booty call department. While our parents didn’t have to worry about embarrassing photos being posted online, and gossip had to be passed on old school (i.e. via whispers, not Facebook chat), the previous generations never got to experience the emotions and regret that come from reading through your texts the morning after a night of drinking.

Before you claim that texting drunk is dangerous, a bad thing, something to get you into trouble, etc. (which obviously it can), you have to think about how beneficial it can be, most notably for its complete restructuring of the late night hookup game.

Because, let’s be real. Drunk texts are just inebriated poetry.

Once upon a time, college students had to deal with drunken romantic gestures in order to get a potential hookup’s attention. Now, your booty call is just a few clicks or swipes away.

However, because of the somewhat complex nature of drunk texting, several gray areas do exist. Telling the difference between a text that screams, “Let’s get it on” and one that says “Let’s cuddle while you wallow in the friend zone” is actually more complicated than it seems. Here are a few examples of our reads on particular situations.

“Heyy” – The double use of the “y” obviously means he or she is interested in something more than just saying “hi,” but it doesn’t mean you have the green light. If you play your cards right, you might not be spending tonight alone.

“Come over” – Translation: I want you. Now.

“Where are yuo?” – Chances are looking pretty good for you. Now you just have to decide if walking all the way across campus is worth it.

“Yo what are you up to tonight?” – At 9 p.m., not very promising. Past 1 a.m., very promising.

“Hijiiajskd” – Drunk as shit and wants to get with you. Maybe another time would work out better, though.

“I want to see you” – This can go one of two ways: the person is either too scared to outright say, “Hey, let’s get busy,” or they are trying desperately to keep it purely sexual and are feigning sincerity.

Though we can’t cover every single possibility for what you might encounter during your late night escapades, these are a few shining examples.

In case you’re still unsure, I’ll leave you with a few basic guidelines. If he or she uses a ton of the “smirky” emoji face (you know what I’m talking about), then there is definitely some sexual energy in the air. The more superfluous letters used, the better. And finally, there is a golden timeframe between 11:15p.m. and 12:30a.m.. Trust me, before 11:15p.m is too early, but anything past 12:30a.m. will typically end with one or both parties falling asleep mid coitus.

Keep up your texting, and may the booty call gods be with you!

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