You caught me; I am 100% guilty of obsessing about my Facebook profile picture to a point that it might be unhealthy. I had my last prof pic for a little over a year because I couldn’t find something to top it, but then I did, and now I’m happy. Leave me be, I’m a millennial, just living my truth!
While contemplating new options, I compiled some of the most popular profile picture options to date:
1. I LOVE BROWN!
You on the Main Green, Faunce gleaming behind you. You next to/climbing Bruno. You in front of the Van Wickle Gates. You at Spring Weekend. You with a University administrator (I miss you, Ruth). You want to show the world how much you love your school, and with good reason. Brown’s a pretty awesome place and is pretty damn photogenic (especially in the fall).
Definitely blurry and definitely dark. Lights streak across your picture. It’s all a little pixelated. There are way too many people in the photo. Your tongue is sticking out, and you’re standing with a red solo cup in hand. You’re in a basement of sorts, and there are dark rings of sweat on your clothing. Oh, so sexy.
This is college, right? Can’t stop, won’t stop.
3. Studying Abroad
What beautiful sites there are outside of Brown! You can’t wait to show off your new life as a worldly traveler at Oktoberfest, on a Scottish hillside, or right out side of Big Ben. What?! You’re learning to make real pasta in Florence, Italy?! Definitely profile picture material.
Either you were adorably cute or adorably ugly as a child. No matter what, it’s endearing to see a younger version of yourself or to breathe a sigh of relief that time did you well. These are even better if you can find old Polaroids. Oh, to be so lucky and hip!
5. Come to my performance/social action cause/forum/sporting event/magazine/any student group function.
Yeah, that’s what those are.
Fall: You’re throwing fall leaves all around you, and the picture smells of pumpkin spice. That, or you’re apple picking.
Winter: You’re making a snow angel in the piles and piles of snow that never go away after the first snowfall!
Spring: You’re in a clever tank on the Main Green with the Spring Weekend concert stage behind you.
Summer: You’re living in a new city, living the intern life!
7. Professionally (and sometimes serendipitously) Photographed
I mean, sometimes your friends have fancy professional DSLR cameras. And sometimes your friends just happen to be in the right place at the right time. What can you say, you tilted your head in just the right way that caught the light perfectly. What?! You were also wearing the perfect outfit?! The sheer luck of your existence.
Or sometimes you just have to hire a professional photographer (that you may or may not pretend is your friend).
8. Prom/Campus Dance/Formal Events
I think everyone will agree that anyone looks nice on nights like these. These are prime opportunities for profile pictures because you look your best! With a little Facebook stalking, you can almost inevitably find that everyone at one point had their prom photo as their profile picture, all standing in a line in someone’s living room or scenic outdoor area. Oh, the glory days of high school.
9. Best Friend/Significant Other
It’s always a nice way to show someone how selfless you are by choosing to include them in your profile picture.
Though, careful when putting this on Tinder – you want to be sure people are swiping right for you and not your friend.
Or you should just get less attractive friends.
Obviously, these are the most popular and hardest to capture. This takes work and skill. You can’t look directly into the camera, but rather, just a little to the side. Or don’t face the camera at all. Be edgy. Choose a filter like black and white or sepia, or take it directly from Instagram. If you don’t, appropriately label it with #nofilter. Befriend someone who knows how to use Adobe Illustrator and put teal circles around your black and white face (which is what I did). Take a photo at the beach, but make sure it is only your silhouette so no one knows who is actually in the photo! Perfect to throw off HR recruiters. Red exposed brick is a gift.
Throw in a witty caption, and you’re set.
Watch the likes roll in.
Are you Ellen? Didn’t think so. Choose one of the above.