Halloweek for dummies

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Ahh, it is Halloweek eve, and nothing seems spoooookier than the quickly disappearing bottles of Svedka from the shelves of Spiritus. Four days and four nights of celebration are upon us, and proper preparation is crucial. Last year we learned from our first Halloweek, and this year we’re ready to share that knowledge with you when you need it most. BlogDH has got your back, as always, to provide you with a user-friendly guide to navigating your way through the tumultuous waters of Halloweek–and by tumultuous waters, I am referring to the toilets that will inevitably overflow in freshman dorms bar bathrooms.

First and foremost, you need to stop procrastinating on your laptop (reading BlogDH is an exception) and get your work done. If you don’t get your work done, you will either have to miss a night o’ fun or spend the subsequent days stressing and being in a bad mood. Which sucks. So get your work done, and by get your work done we mean get all your work done that needs to be turned in by a deadline, and start doing that right now. Or start when you’ve finished reading this post.

Tonight, it will begin. Do not go too hard on Night One. Pace yourself. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. However, I really don’t remember the last time a marathon started without everyone frantically sprinting right away. So maybe it’s a marathon and a sprint. Yeah, definitely both. Just keep that in mind.

If you’re going to skip a night, then skip Thursday. That way you have ample resting time between the sprint part of the beginning of your marathon and the sprint to the finish, which is also a very real thing. The sprint to the finish determines the winner. Do you want to win Halloweek? Um, YEAH, you obviously do. And how do you win? By surviving! And maintaining your grades! Yay!

So Friday and Saturday will follow. Saturday may be dull, as it’s always a little awkward to celebrate Halloween once it’s actually over–like, according to the calendar, over–yet for some odd reason we never have a problem celebrating in advance, which is also not aligned with Halloween on the calendar, which is, then, also pretty weird when you think about it. Nevertheless: Wednesday and Friday. Learn it, live it, love it.

Do you need to know your costumes in advance? I mean, I think the period of “advance” has slightly passed, but we aren’t yet into the period of “last minute.” That period is tonight at 9:36pm. Then you’re screwed.

The best advice you should take is to ignore the advice of the Plastics:

This is very untrue, because Halloween is the one night a year a girl may opt to dress like a total slut and should expect that every other girl will say things about it. However, freedom of expression is totally a thing, and every person is entitled to dress however he, she, or phe wants to. The beauty of Brown is that anything goes, so, as they say, “you do you, babe.” Just have self-respect in whatever shape or form (or lingerie) you choose to have it in.

This is going to be the first week(end) of the year, maybe besides orientation, where basically everyone goes out and everyone is happy to see everyone. If you’re feeling like you don’t have that many friends this semester, then definitely go out tonight, because you will make new friends, you will find out that the girl with the resting bitch face is actually a super nice person, and hey, who knows, she might end up as your new BFF!

If you’re a freshman, then let me be the first to tell you: in college, there is no Halloween drama. Therefore, you don’t need to expect there to be, and you don’t need to create any. As I previously stated, Halloweek at Brown is like a temporary euphoria. The only downside is that you really don’t have a giant candy bin in your kitchen to snack off of for the next few weeks, but don’t worry because we luckily have a CVS v close by and Halloween candy usually goes on sale.

Be prepared to lose your wallet, keys, IDs, phone, and, perhaps, your dignity. It seems like everyone I know managed to somehow misplace at least four of the five last year. Especially the wallets, though. Especially the wallets.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: just because we raise da roof a little more around this time of year does not mean your actions will not have consequences (not to sound like a schoolteacher, which could be a great costume for those of you bordering the “last minute” period). Walks of shame are SO MUCH WORSE in costume. It’s one thing to get away with it if last night’s ensemble involves a real cop outfit (OITNB style), and another if your plastic handcuffs are still attached to your left wrist. Oy vey.

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