The Evolution of Halloween

There aren’t a lot of things that last from birth and through college. We don’t still get tucked in at night by our parents, have home cooked meals, swim in the shallow end, or brush our teeth twice a day (I’m not alone on this right?), but we still get excited for Halloween. Sure, the goal of Halloween changes from childhood to college. No longer is it about who can get the most candy but rather it is about who can GET the most candy (see what i did there). Instead of eating Twix and Snickers till we get sick, we drink Caldwell’s and Natty till we get sick. We still wear costumes, yet instead of dressing like our favorite disney character, we now dress like our favorite sexy disney character (I am going as Olaf from Frozen this year FYI).

Slutty Olaf

So maybe not all that much has changed, and that is fine because, like my uncle from South Carolina, I am scared of change. But Halloween for sure has evolved, from our earliest days of getting dressed in adorable baby-propriate costumes, to that time we went as sexy Shia Leboeuf.

baby taco

Shia

The Early Years

Your first years of Halloween were dictated by your parents. For good reason of course, because you were a baby who didn’t know what was hot regarding Halloween costumes. Your parents were responsible not only for the coolness and cuteness of your costume, but also for making sure that baby you didn’t get hold of any candy too sticky, sour, hard or chewy.

The Elementary Years

These years were when trick or treating was the most fun. I remember running home from school, pregaming with a couple friends by crushing some hidden Hershey’s bars in the third row of my mom’s car, refusing to eat dinner in order to save room for the 1000 packs of skittles I was fiending, and putting my costume on before the sun even began to set. I also clearly remember making sure I had the biggest possible pillow case to store my candy loot in. Not only did it house my future obesity, but also I could use the full pillow as a weapon to defend my candy and myself from any jealous, rival 3rd graders. Those were still the years where your parents still went trick or treating with you, in fear that you may overdose on sugar or get kidnapped. Fear of ODing/kidnapping aside, Halloween was the most fun day and night of my elementary school years.

The Middle Years

Middle school is an awkward time in general. You are starting to see things on your body change, things are appearing left and right that you didn’t know were possible. You are starting to be a little more focused on the guys or the girls in your grade. You may have recently experienced grinding for the first time at a dance,and really liked how it felt, but didn’t know how or why (I am still confused about this). You are getting too old for trick or treating, but for the first time you can escape your parents for the night and wander around, dressed up, with guys and girls (both genders!), mess with younger kids, and steal as much candy as possible. You wear a costume, but half-heartedly. I remember trying to find a costume that allowed me to carry around as many BB guns, nerf rocket launchers, and plastic knives as possible. I am pretty sure I went as Rambo disguised as Batman disguised as James Bond. I was packing so much fake, Halloween heat that I was a plastic, prepubescent force to be reckoned with. I don’t want to speak for middle school girls, because they are my biggest critics and haters, but in my memory girls in middle school always dressed in group costumes. Like, if one friend is going to go as a color, its an easy bet to guess that every other girl in the posse is going as a different color, creating a colorful rainbow of braces, acne and teen angst.

The High School Years

“Trick or treating is fucking lame” -me for 4 years.

In high school I always remember looking for a Halloween party with my friends, a house where someone’s parents were dumb enough to leave for the night (whoever is that fucking dumb, all ex-highschoolers thank you). But realistically, what are the odds your friend’s friend from outside of school’s dad, who works part time in Ontario every other month, is actually going to be out of town around Halloween? Slim. Also, it always felt like Halloween was on a Tuesday night, preventing any fun shananginas from actually happening. What always ended up playing out was my friends and I sharing a water bottle filled with all the dad whiskey, vodka and rum we could steal, as we watched a scary movie with girls, and tried to act super tough and not bothered by the movie and definitely didn’t sleep in our parents room for a week after…

Costume wise, high-school was all about putting no effort into the costume but being as inappropriate and offensive as possible, because that is what high school is all about. My costumes always involved fake mustaches, fake blood, and the same pair of hospital scrubs that i kept in the back of my closet. As a senior I went as a gynecologist…and literally no one found it funny.

The College Years

Yes, I know I am a freshman FIRST YEAR, so this is my first collegiate Halloween Halloweek, but I feel like I already have a strong grasp of how college Halloween works. It is about wearing a funny, witty and original costume, getting drunk, taking TONS of pictures of yourself in said costume, and trying not to get EMS’d/arrested. Halloween, so hot right now, Halloween.

It is no longer about the candy, trick or treating, or horror movies. Rather, it is one big party that uses Halloween as an excuse to happen. I am not complaining, rather the opposite. I am excited for my first Halloweek, I am tired of seeing my friends in college (I consider Johnny Manziel a dear friend) having all the Halloween fun. Its my our time!

MONEY TEAM!

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