It’s that time of the year again. You and a friend frantically tear through Thayer’s three costume shops in search of something passable to wear to that Halloween banger you just got a notification about. You waited until the last day, like always, and like always you come to one honest conclusion: you’re not going to find anything good, so you may as well try to be funny, or ironic at the very least. In truth, your final product is going to look lazy and sarcastic. Here’s our handy guide to some last-minute getups you’re definitely going to
wear see this Halloweekend.
1) The sailor
The sailor could be a great opportunity to pay a respectful tribute to some of our nation’s bravest, but in reality is just an excuse to drink like a sailor. If you’ve got a striped shirt and a pair of boat shoes, the rest of your costume will come together with 5 bucks and a quick stroll to the Army Navy store. In most cases, sailors will be guys who let their creativity take a back seat to their ego.
2) The pirate
The lazy pirate is really an unfortunate spectacle to behold, primarily because the pirate itself has so much potential. The possibilities range from our model above to Jack Sparrow. Take careful notice of the user’s intention to return the hat the very next day and the left index finger where a hook should be.
More relevant might be the Captain Phillips-inspired “lazy Somali Pirate.” The only change necessary is swapping the sword for a gun.
3) The lumberjack
For people with beards, this one is a no-brainer. If you have access to a flannel, which at Brown you certainly do, and a limited tool kit, you’re in business. The hardest part of this costume is definitely the use of props. Walking around with a real chainsaw probably wouldn’t go over so well, and finding a fake one would require more effort than you really care to make. So bringing anything that makes you look handy, like our model who thought a hammer would be convincing, lets people assume that you probably just left your chainsaw with your other flannel.
4) The tourist
Sunglasses, a floral shirt and some Chubbies are really all you need to pull this one off. It’s a great chance to dress like the d-bag you always wanted to. We recommend doing about 100 squats before putting this one together, like our model clearly did.
5) Animal ears
This is a much broader category and one that is all too common on the female side. However, on the male side this is about as ironic as a lazy costume gets. A nice upside is that the ears allow for a lot wiggle room. To most, this model might just look like a guy with Micky Mouse ears, but with some hair gel and a little blue steel, he’s actually Derek Zoolander with Micky Mouse ears.
At first, the blackout might seem like the laziest costume of them all, but it actually requires a bit of dedication. To successfully pull off the blackout, one actually has to drink aggressively enough to arrive at the point of blackout.
All images via Jokichi Matsubara ’18.