Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. And we must capture these moments with the front-facing cameras on our iPhones. They come when we least expect them—when Gail is looking exceedingly charming in a holiday sweater, when a snowstorm emerges out of nowhere, or when your favorite foreign ambassador is in line beside you to grab a Blue Room muffin before his talk. The unpredictability of these events is what makes them so perfect, and this also makes it all the more incredible when you’re agile and suave enough to snap a selfie with them.
Here are some of the Brown moments that are sure to take your breath away (but not so much that it decreases your suave selfie-taking agility).
1. Selfie with Gail
We love Gail. She’s so cute, so nice, and is the only human I know who refrains from taking out her inner upsets (though it’s possible that she doesn’t have any) on arbitrary common folk. The Ratty is not the staple of the Brown University dining experience. Gail is. If you ever ran into President Obama or Miley Cyrus, would you take a selfie? Yeah. So then taking a selfie with Gail is thereby self-explanatory.
2. Selfie with everyone’s favorite local DJ, Whiskey Republic’s own DJ Meatball
Whoever follows Gail on this list is sure to be automatically demeaned, but I figured DJ Meatball could hold his own well enough to retain significance. Though it seems as if Whiskey Wednesdays are quickly becoming a thing of the past, DJ Meatball once provided the Jason Derulo anthems to my freshman year. He gave people free “DJ Meatball” tank tops if they were from the state he chose to beckon over the microphone in between 2007-era Chris Brown and Avicii’s “Levels.” DJ Meatball, beat constructor. What a guy.
3. Selfie while walking through the Van Wickle gates
You have to take that matriculation selfie. However, matriculation is the third or fourth day of orientation and you’re probably walking through the gates with a bunch of random people you just met. You might not like each other that much (remember, these are your “starter friends”) and you definitely don’t know each other that well, which makes the act of asking them to be in your selfie all the more awkward. But do it anyway. Don’t worry, it’s just your first week of freshman year… you only have everything to lose in terms of your social reputation!
4. Selfie in the Rock stacks
Ugh. Another night. Me, my carrel, and I. Why does studying make me look so beautiful? The lighting is perfect. Mom will love to know that I’m working hard. My friends back home will cringe with insecurity when they realize I can be smart and pretty at the same time. Woah! This pile of textbooks is huge! Better take a selfie to show how large it is in comparison to my head.
5. Selfie at the Naked Donut Run
But make sure it’s just a selfie at the NDR and not of the NDR. I may or may not have tried to subtly do that my freshman year, and it really did not work out in my favor. It was just to send home to Mom, I promise!!!!!!
6. Spring Weekend selfie
Everyone is dartying, winter is finally over, and God has anointed us with an influx of neon, overalls, tank tops, the occasional bikini, ambiguous hallucinogens, and pretty sick music. It’s the most wonderful time of the year. It’s also the happiest weekend of your life, and if you don’t capture that in a photo that will last a lifetime, then you may never be able to recreate that happiness again.
7. Brown State selfie
This is v similar to the Spring Weekend selfie, except on Spring Weekend we all just look like a bunch of hipster grinning idiots. At the Brown State game, we all look like grinning idiots with school spirit, which almost NEVER happens. F YEAH, WE’RE A D1 SCHOOL AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT.
8. Selfie with Bruno and/or Indomitable
We have these giant bear statues that someone must’ve donated, so we may as well put them to good use by showing the world how photogenic they are.
9. Too high on a Saturday night selfie
While your friends at other schools are out raging face to strobe lights and techno beats in a frat basement, you’re living the ultimate Brown experience by stayin’ in and smokin’ a bowl. Your eyes are half open and you’re nursing a box of Captain Crunch. Oh, and that tapestry behind your head? Urban Outfitters winter sale 2012, right? It is funny, in moments like these, to get meta and think about how you will, one day, think about these as the best times of your college experience.
10. Selfie with the Heavy Petting animals
The purpose of Heavy Petting is to bring happiness to students in times of academic stress. The happiness ignited by small sheep and baby ducklings is absurdly fleeting, so we should take a selfie to encapsulate it forever. Regardless, pictures of tiny cute animals are the best.
12. IT’S SNOWINGGGGG selfie
This selfie can be taken during the first heavy snow or during the first overall snow. Both are magical days on campus. Snow is the only good excuse for the cold because it’s fun and it makes Brown look absolutely beautiful. Nothing improves a selfie more than little snowflakes sticking to your hair. Ra ra snownonia!
13. Selfie with a really cool person
Bill Nye, Laverne Cox, Noam Chomsky. Hey, even Buddy Cianci if you’re really lucky. We’re #blessed to go to a school where internationally recognized people come to share their wisdom with us (Buddy, we’re looking at you). Everyone knows that selfies are the new autographs, anyway.