Thanksgiving is a time to reflect and give thanks. Re-watching The Emperor’s New Groove made me (and hopefully you too) consider four things to be especially thankful for.
You are the emperor of an undisclosed land
I don’t know about you, but I run a vast empire and plan on building a new summer palace on top of a charming village filled with wholesome people, because I am a selfish man who doesn’t know right from wrong. People cannot throw off my groove. People cannot touch me. Life is good. If that sentiment rings true for you, you have something to be thankful for: immense wealth and no moral compass. And no one is trying to dethrone you.
You are a great cook
Thanksgiving is about the food, let’s be real. Family is nice. Your own bed is nice. But food is forever. You’ll eat it until the day you die, so you might as well be a crazy good chef. Your spinach puffs are on point, and you should be thankful.
You are a human
Let’s be honest. Humans are lucky because we have TV (among other things). And we really don’t make up that much of the living things on earth. Scientists say that 86% of the species on earth might not have been discovered yet, and there are already like, a lot. You know? And we’re pretty new on a geological time scale. It would suck to be a llama, for example. That was pretty arbitrary. But even a cat. You have two legs and words, so you’re doing alright, and should express your gratitude.
You are young
Being old blows because your body hurts and no one takes you seriously. Your skin gets purple as time goes on, and you look frail next to your hilarious stooge or sidekick. As you creep towards the grave, you may resort to crazy plans to stay relevant, like potion making. This will not work because good hearted villagers will show your nemesis the error of his ways, and he will change back to a man. Young people are also more good looking because biologically speaking, it’s time we all found mates. Give thanks, because this Thanksgiving is the last one when you will look this good.
You aren’t falling off a waterfall
I love not falling off waterfalls and I’d really like to take this moment to say it. Specific thing to be thankful for, but worth mentioning.
You just rewatched The Emperor’s New Groove
I’m not saying I did. I’m just saying if I did, I’d be thankful.