Super Bowl ad power rankings

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The Patriots won the Super Bowl and Katy Perry’s dancing sharks won the halftime show, yet to many viewers, the commercials were the paramount spectacle. Which ads won the in-between? Which fell short? And finally, which were just plain weird? 

39. Jublia: Tackle It

First off, it seems like the whole budget for this commercial went into buying the slot and about $40 went into the production of the advertisement itself. The animation was hilariously bad and confusing. Why is the infected toe the one depicted brawling the fungus? Shouldn’t it be the medicine that does the fighting? Also, this commercial’s “football play” literally made no sense. I don’t know much about foot fungus, but I know that the medicine probably doesn’t have to go “under, around, and through the nail” in order to clear the fungus and it certainly shouldn’t take 48 weeks to rid the toe of disease. 48 weeks! Most disturbing, however, was the fact that it seemed like the toe was more interested in tackling the fungus instead of recovering fumbles. Do the makers of Jublia know that the point of football is to have the ball and score, not just to tackle the ball carrier? Maybe they were playing a modified version of kill the carrier. But then why were they in a stadium with people cheering? Some sort of future gladiatorial combat? The toe threw a punch at the end of the commercial, something that would have resulted in a 15-yard penalty, if not an immediate ejection. On top of all of this, the fine print lists “burning or stinging” as a possible side effect. Why are the two mutually exclusive? Only the makers of Jublia know. Overall, a pretty confusing and poorly made commercial.

38. Nationwide’s Dead Kid

This was by far and away the worst commercial of the night and barely deserves any more ink spilled over it. Nationwide ran this ad to prey on the absolute worst fears of parents in an attempt to…what? Sell child life insurance policies? Horrible, blatantly manipulative and tasteless. The only reason it’s not last is because I didn’t want to give Nationwide the satisfaction.

37. Budweiser Macro Brew

I’ve never before heard the words “pumpkin peach ale” used more derogatorily.

36. McDonalds Pay with Love

Please, someone go to McDonalds sans wallet and see if you can actually pay with a phone call. I’m guessing if you go in there you will get laughed at and explained to that, “It’s only happening at certain locations,” immediately after they don’t allow you to order breakfast at 10:37 a.m.

35. Blacklist Commercial Spots

My enjoyment of these NBC spots was drastically lowered by one of my suitemates yelling, “this show sucks,” every time these ads came on screen. I don’t know why he hates the show so much, especially considering its great reputation amongst both critics and my parents, but as a result, these ads were penalized in the power rankings.

34. Nationwide + Mindy Kaling

Finally, a Nationwide commercial that I can get behind! Love Kelly Kapur, love Will Hunting, love that smile when Mindy takes that guy’s food.

33. WeatherTech Car Mats

Advertising challenge: how many times can we (not-so) subtly slip the word ‘America’ into our commercial.

32. Rex Ryan Pizza Hut

Finally! An ad that answers that age-old question: Who is a worse actor, Rex Ryan or Tony Romo? Hint: its Romo.

31. Game of War ft. Kate Upton

Maybe this commercial would have affected me more positively if I weren’t conditionally associating Kate Upton commercials with answering a question wrong in Trivia Crack.

 30. Heroes Charge

What differentiates this game from Game of War and Clash of Clans? It’s so unclear.

29. Mophie Apocalypse

This commercial was super weird, but pretty enjoyable because of this image.

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28. Coke Cyber Bullying

How come when I spill coke on my laptop, the A, S, Z, X, C, V, B, Shift, and D keys stop working but when the IT guy in the commercial does it, it solves cyber bullying?

27. Jeep’s Land is Your Land

Didn’t know I knew all the words to this song until this advertisement came on. Thanks Jeep!

26. Kia Sorento

This commercial was the recipient of the award for best use of the 3rd best James Bond.

25. Dodge Challenger

Centenarians know what is up.

24. Chevrolet Blackout

I didn’t watch this advertisement until after the game because I was in the bathroom, but apparently it faked some people out pretty hard.

23. Skittles: Settle It

Insert masturbation/crab arm joke here.

22. Avocados from Mexico

Funny premise, akin to a PG version of Dave Chappelle’s Racial Draft, but without further research, it was pretty unclear what this commercial was selling. Was that startlingly catchy jingle for a company named ‘Avocados from Mexico’ or promoting the purchase of avocados from Mexico? Why was Jerry Rice alive 4 billion years ago? And why was he stopping the caveman from eating a chip? Fun Fact: According to the Avocados from Mexico website, Mexico selects Mariachi in the next round of the draft.

21. Loctite Glue

“Loctite glue saved our marriage.”

 

Brief Halftime: The Movie Trailers!!!

Quick Power Ranking of Super Bowl Movie Trailers

1. Ted 2—Hilarious and timely Brady cameo.

2. The Kingsmen—You had me at “Tarantino meets Bond.”

3. Terminator Genisys—Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body. Whoa.

4. Pitch Perfect 2—The idea of Clay Matthews as the leader of a rival a cappella group made me tingly.

5. Tomorrowland—You had me at “From the director of ‘The Incredibles’”

6. Furious 7—RIP Paul Walker

7. 50 Shades of Grey—Someone please explain to me why this movie is not rated NC-17? Also, “Your Xbox and stuff” might go down as the understatement of the year.

8. The Spongebob Movie—The scary Claymation-Spongebob and fat yet buff-Patrick ruined my childhood ever so slightly and plummeted this movie to the very bottom of the rankings.

 

20. Esurance – Walter White the Pharmacist

Initially I was super confused, and I’m still kind of confused. But I can’t hate anything related to Breaking Bad. Now, I’m left counting down the days until Better Call Saul.

19. Weight Watchers

Speaking of things Breaking Bad, this Aaron Paul-narrated commercial was pretty awesome.

18. Turbo Tax Revolution

Props to whoever came up with this solid premise. That shot of George Washington going back across the Delaware was dynamite.

17. Sprint Goat Commercial

I believe that it was Thomas Edison who said that the first rule of film is that screaming goats are always funny. Always. #bringbackthetaylorswiftgoatremixtoyoutube

16. Discover Surprise Scream

See Edison’s quote from before.

15. Nissan #withdad, Toyota One Bold Choice, Dove Men+Care

Tearing up.

Weeping.

I’ll be right back; I have to call my dad and thank him.

14. Jimmy Fallon Lip Sync Promo

Watch it, love it, let it go.

13. Doritos Commercials

While not as funny as this commercial, these were two pretty solid ads from Doritos’ online ad contest. The airplane guy won a million dollars!

12. SNL 40th Anniversary Promo

YUP. Holy s***. So pumped for this.

11. Sketchers’ Hall

I don’t know how they got Pete Rose to do this commercial, but I love that he has an excellent sense of humor about his non-inclusion in Cooperstown. Or maybe he needs money for his next gambling fix.

10. PacMan Bud Light

The life-sized PacMan maze featured in this Bud Light spot looked so fun that I will overlook the fact that the “real person” feigning surprise as he walked into a crowd full of extras was pretty lame. Also, I want to know more! What happens when he collects a ghost-eating power pellet? How does he teleport from one side of the game to the other? Most importantly, will my engineering roommate come through on his promise to “build one of those before spring weekend?”

9. Danny Trejo for Snickers

I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Machete. Also, Steve Buscemi’s line as Jan Brady at the end of the ad made me laugh pretty hard.

8. Wix.com

First off, loved the retired player references: TO’s Humble Pies, Emmitt Smith’s Double Deuce, Franco Harris’s Immaculate Receptions (personal favorite), and Favre & Carve. But the coup de grâce was seeing Lloyd from Entourage as Favre’s agent. Instant classic.

7. T-Mobile Sarah Silverman/Chelsea Handler

Who knew that the supremely rich own hydroponic kale gardens and subterranean petting zoos? Or that Sarah Silverman has so much space and so few trophies? Or that Chelsea Handler could potentially join up with Chazz Michael Michaels and Jimmy McElroy and win Olympic gold in trio figure skating? The “sorry it’s a boy” line was pure gold.

6. Budweiser Lost Dog

Consider my heartstrings tugged.

5. Clash of Clans

Lie-um Neesons is my shit.

4. Dreaming with Jeff

OM.

3. Like a girl, P&G Always

This was resonant and wonderfully reminiscent of these inspiring Verizon advertisements. The interviews were powerful and the moment that the boy talks about how it “insults girls…but not [his] sister” sticks with you. I hope that one day I can write like a girl.

2. Fiat Little Blue Pill

This physics-defying commercial was one of the big winners of the night with its slick editing and funny punchline. What more could you ask for in a commercial?

1.Domestic Violence Pizza

This was the best Super Bowl ad in recent memory and its not even close. Especially taking into account the NFL’s recent history with domestic violence, this ad was powerful and shocking and brave. Bravo!

 

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