Brunonia, your voices have been heard. Over the past few weeks, you nominated and voted for seniors across 30 different categories of Senior Class Superlatives. The competition was fierce, the nominees led head-to-head campaigns, but now the polls are closed and the votes are in. Let the glory of your classmates ring loud, clear, and true as we introduce the Class of 2015 Senior Superlatives.
Most Likely to be President of the United States: Maahika Srinivasan
Maahika is absolutely ready to ascend the throne of the United States, having finally mastered the correct pronunciation of “Taco Bell” and understood that a “down” in American football is not something to be sad about. Currently serving as the President of UCS, Maahika has cultivated several crucial leadership skills, such as identifying the best sources for adorable puppy gifs, timing desperate pee breaks in meetings for the exact opportune moment someone is about to ask for a favor, and mitigating every tyrannical decision with follow-up hashtags #sorrynotsorry and #trollsgonnatroll.
Best Friends: Georgia Tollin and Sydney Mondry
Georgia and Sydney became friends the spring of their freshman year when Georgia nursed Sydney back to health from a not-so-brief Mono stint. They agree on almost everything (peanut butter textures, English being the best concentration, and brunch locations), yet they have distinctly different opinions when it comes to movies, cheese varieties, and skiing. They’re known to coordinate their outfits unintentionally (see above), and are used to having people mixing them up all the time. And yes, they are aware that both of their names happen to be geographical locations. Every joke has been made about it. Ever.
Most Likely to Have Their Own Reality Show: Jo’Nella Queen Ellerbe
Jo’Nella Queen Cabrera Ellerbe (Jo’Nella Queen) was born and raised in Spanish Harlem in Manhattan, New York. Jo’Nella has thought long and hard about the very blurb that you are presently reading because 1) she is a writer/poet and words are so important to her, and 2) Because BlogDailyHerald will live on forever as a piece of institutional memory. So here we go.
From the makers of Top Chef, America’s Next Top Model, and Love and Hiphop we present: God Save Your Queen, a truthful new reality TV series about a Queen searching for a space of her own. Get #prepared for uncontrollable laughter, side eye, those screenshots/receipts she keeps, and the glamour shots as Jo’Nella navigates understanding her various intersectional identities, relationships with family, friends, fans, and love interests while you sip your tea and decide whether the #SupportJoNella2k15 or #StopJoNella2k15 is appropriate for a given episode. Get insight into her favorite meals to cook, her search for spaces to practice singing and journeys from the club to her room to church. Will she end up working in DC or NYC post-Brown? Will she be a lawyer or on a Netflix Original Series? Who will she retire Baes of Brown to? (also hello hi yes there have been several blizzards but people need to be #ready) What will her next hairstyle be? And her personal Bae situation? Tune into the next episode and find out workshops she’s facilitating next. When, you ask? Tuesday nights on Bravo.
Most Changed from Convocation: Michael Gabrielle
Michael Gabrielle is thrilled to know he’s not as washed up as he previously thought. Though he was voted “Most Respected” as a senior in high school, no honor could possibly top this one. He has come a long way at Brown, most notably having gotten rid of his signature freshman look: tattered cargo shorts or baggy jeans and a messenger bag, a crew cut with the gelled up bangs, and a mini bottle of Gatorade filled with vodka. He has slightly recovered from his obsession with the song “Call Me Maybe,” but he’s still not over Taylor Swift. Although Michael is no longer a Brown cheerleader living in Champlin, he remains an avid aerialist and has been in Musical Forum productions of Hair and Cabaret. Yes, he has changed a great deal since convocation, but he has maintained his enormous heart, infectious laugh, and impeccable knitting skills.
Most Likely to Lead the Naked Donut Run: Renata Robles
Renata Robles doesn’t have any fucks to give.
Renaissance Phe: Darian Surratt
Darian is a Gemini vegetarian. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Fashion Merchandising from CULA where she was Zeta Lambda Nu Sweetheart, president of her sorority, Delta Nu, and last year she was homecoming queen. Her activities have included Health Leads, Meiklejohn/MAPS advising programs, the Bruin Club, informal bartending, and running after strangers with dogs around the main green. The thing she is most proud of from her time at college is managing to watch all four seasons of Ugly Betty from start to finish during Fall 2014 finals.
Most Likely to be on SNL: Jack Usher
Self-proclaimed “aspiring funny guy,” Jack is a theater arts concentrator with a passion for comedy. Outside of Leeds, Stewart, and the PW Downspace, you can find him performing sketch comedy with Out of Bounds or improv comedy with Improvidence. Jack’s inspiration in life is Michael Bublé because “his buttery-smooth timbre does it for me every time.”
Best Unit: Champlin Cheetahs
The Champlin Cheetahs were an eclectic bunch who ensured that freshman year on Pembroke never got boring. From kitchen baking and dance parties to hallway painting sessions and exhibitions, the Cheetahs used their varied backgrounds and skills to organize dorm-wide bonding events. They took it upon themselves to add artistic flair to the outside of Champlin’s depressing facade, spray-painting the railings outside the forever-broken front door. Spilled milk remained in the stairwell, the entire dorm almost perpetually smelled like weed, and Rose will forever remain the sunshine of their lives. With Unit Wars 2.0 coming up this May, they plan on scheduling rigorous training sessions and dominating every event.
Biggest Post-ADOCH Friender: Jake Leavitt
When you grow up in a small town, having to make new friends is something you have to do once in kindergarten and then never again. So when Jake was coming to Brown and didn’t know anyone, he lost his shit a little bit. In the past, he had made most of his friends with absurd jokes and snarky comments, so he figured, “Why not try that again?” He took to using the Accepted Students group pretty much as his own Wall (LOL Remember when it was a Wall and not a Timeline? #suchchange #wow). On the first day of ADOCH, Jake was referred to as “Facebook Jake” a number of times and immediately realized what a terrible mistake he had made. He went from trying to blend in at a tiny New Hampshire high school to suddenly being “that kid,” and that was SUPER UNCOMFY! Not to mention when he later found out that half his classmates found him annoying AF… #oops.
Senior Not to Mess With: Kat da Silva
It’s hard to determine exactly why Ria may not make it to convocation. While a deep slumber could be a strong possibility (not even a Keeney fire alarm could stir her), it is more likely that she would show up late because: 1) She is still shopping classes, 2) She couldn’t find her beret (no, she will not comply with the social norms of a square graduation cap), or 3) She suffers from a chronic case of terrible time management.
She has showed up late to everything from final exams (they were at Smitty B – cut her some slack) to live TV interviews where she was publicly told to get a watch. For most of freshman year, she was able to blame her tardiness on Daylight Savings but that got old. She then resorted to blaming her culture, jet lag, and the snow. Those who know her well know that they should add 20 minutes to a designated meeting time. Problem is, she knows they know this, so she shows up even later! That sly fox.
In case these things have the potential to become self-fulfilling prophecies, Ria hopes the Brown community will give her a much-needed wake up call on the morning of May 24th.
Biggest Secret Genius: Abi Kulshreshtha
Abi is a senior from Grapevine, TX, and he is simultaneously flattered and offended to receive this superlative. In his spare time, he enjoys biking, exploring Rhode Island, and boxing (interpretation left to reader). He will spend the next year hoping that this doesn’t come up on the first page of Google results for his name.
Best Mom: Maahika Srinivasan
“Kid, you’re hungry? There’s cheesecake in the freezer. Just pick off the mold. Don’t even think about getting any plates dirty–I’m saving the only bottle of soap we have in this house to wash your dad’s mouth out.” -MamaMaah
Best Dad: Mathias Heller
Mathias has spent years being called a grandpa, but he supposes that in order to become a grandfather, one must first be a dad. Though he would argue that his love of ice cream conveys a youthful spirit, he understands why some believe he’s a fatherly soul. Mathias does engage in some dad-like activities, such as reading print editions of newspapers, wearing sweaters and a bathrobe (not concurrently), and enjoying a good Red Stripe burger. He looks forward to inculcating a love of American history and politics in his children.
Most Likely to Become the Next Mark Zuckerberg: Wendy Ginsberg
Wendy Ginsberg and Mark Zuckerberg both have last names that end in “-berg” which is the only reason why she won this title. It also might be because Wendy is a huge computer nerd and has fallen in love with the magic of computer science, but she is not sure. Her future billion dollar idea will probably involve gummy worms, aliens, or soul music. If she were to have created Facebook, it would be green and not blue, because green is the color of frogs, lizards, and some types of grapes.
Most Likely to Debate Jesse Watters on National Television: Kevin Carty
Kevin Carty grew up in the DC area, and just as a resident is forever affected by a toxin in his local drinking water, he learned to love politics and argument early. He fondly recalls the moment, after the 2000 election, when his 2nd grade class promptly sorted themselves by political party and argued about whatever the hell happened in Florida. Of course, he convinced the Republican 7-year-olds that Gore deserved to win, no matter what the Supreme Court said. Since then, he has continued his love for politics by studying political theory, writing opinion pieces for the BDH, becoming active in the fight to prevent sexual assault on campus, and discussing political issues beyond the point that most people find socially acceptable. As his graduation approaches, he hopes to write and report about politics as a career. Ideally, he would like to become the sort of person that gets invited onto talk shows to debate people like Jesse Watters. If you would like to join him for an angry shouting match or a polite discussion about politics, you can join him at the GCB, where he will happily buy the first pitcher.
Best Social Media Presence: Krishan Aghi
“First things first imma give a shoutout to the ~*Queen of Twitter*~, Dana Schwartz. I don’t pretend to enter her domain – I mostly lurk around Facebook. Im v happy and humbled 4 this award esp since I learned Neuroscience so I could upload my mind to the interwebs and troll on facebook w/ silly photoshops~*full time*~. Hopefully they’ll make a movie about me oh wait they did it was called Transcendence and it was #terrible. This award is cute but also apparently social media use may lead to poor grades so b aware b4 y’all play online.”
xoxo gossip gurl (AKA Krishan)
Most Likely to Become a Professor at Brown: Leila Blatt
nefertiti hooks, FKA Leila Blatt, is an affirmative action and Sally Hemings(-Jefferson) Family Associate Professor joint hire in the Department of History and Africana Studies. Her early work focuses on women of color political organizing traditions. nefertiti hooks’ later publications and research initiatives focusing on the condition of the Tragic Mulatto in a digital futurity. Her most recent publications include: High Yellow, Skin Deep: Discourse on Ontological Impossibility, Electric Lady: Cyborgs in Search of the Baby Hairs, and For Almost Colored Girls: When Shea Butter Isn’t Enuf.
Often credited with founding the field of “Mulatto Futurism,” nefertiti hooks currently presides over the Center for the Study of Race and Tragedy in the 21st Century and serves alongside Paul Tran ’14, the Tila Tequila Nguyen Family Professor of Magical History, on the University’s diversity committee.
Most Likely to be at the GCB at any Given Moment: Luke Perez
Luke Perez has been to the GCB everyday he has been on campus since September 2. Tonight will be his 130th night in a row. He has always dreamed big and dreaming big apparently includes becoming a fixture at the GCB. He just wanted to see if he could go 7 days in a row, then 2 weeks, then 50 days, and as of writing this tonight will be his 130th night in a row. He is greatful for finally being recognized for his dedication, but in the end the most important people already knew about his streak–the bartenders. They’re what make the GCB the GCB so make sure you tip and don’t be stingy!
If you want to learn more about his streak or other alcohol-involved adventures and shenanigans, just find Luke at the GCB. Just please dont ask how much this has cost him. Money is the last thing a soon to be history major without a current future plan wishes to concern themselves with. He’ll be at the GCB until he figures it out and would love to meet all of Brown there before he leaves.
Best Couple that Never Dated: Margot Harris and Kevin Carty
Kevin Carty and Margot Harris met in the fall of their freshman year. They became fast friends, bonding over food, of which Kevin knew and taught Margot, and feminism, of which Margot knew and taught Kevin. Soon enough, after (platonic) dinner dates and late nights watching Netflix in Kevin’s dorm room, they met each others’ parents over lavish dinners in Providence and their hometown Washington, DC. Over the next years of their friendship, they had many adventures. They road-tripped for a Spring Break getaway in Virginia Beach; they attended AEPi formal together; they donned black-tie attire for Barack Obama’s 2nd inaugural ball; and, as juniors, they house-hunted together, eventually settling on a dump rustic, affordable pad that they now call home. Over the years, they helped each other through bad breakups, bouts of mental illness, drunken college mistakes, Margot’s slew of allergies, illnesses, and injuries, and Kevin’s repeated, unfortunate victimizations at the hands of Thayer Street bandits. Their hobbies include political argument, red meat, tequila, the writings of Michael Sandel, and occasional cross-dressing. They hope to reside in the same city next year, but they will continue their thriving relationship no matter they end up. As for real relationships, Kevin is in a happy, long-term relationship with Izzi Levy ’16, and Margot is, grudgingly, #foreveralone. Izzi is close friends with Margot and has happily awarded her the title of official third wheel. The three go on the occasional dinner date, watch Orange is the New Black together, and sometimes spoon. Kevin and Margot would like to thank all of the friends whom they harassed and extorted in pursuit of this superlative.
Most Likely to go to Mars: Jamelle Watson-Daniels
Jamelle actually studies solid state physics and builds particle detectors but you know “astrophysics” “astronaut” “experimental physics” “going to Mars”… all the same. She is a part of the (Varsity) Women’s rugby family, those her sisters she ain’t even gotta say it, it’s just something Dey know. Dey know, Dey know, Dey know… catch her yelling out physics over everything. She has spent these last 4 years eating, sleeping and sometimes drinking in the Sci Li and also advocating for black scientists as a lil’ sum on the side– shout out to all y’all still trying to make it.
Most Likely to win the Nobel Prize in FUN: Nia Campinha-Bacote
Anyone who knows Nia Campinha-Bacote knows she is the epitome of FUN. At a prestigious university like Brown, she is a refreshing break from logic. A true golden retriever at heart, Nia loves to run, dance, and serenade strangers with Cheetah Girls songs. Her energetic awkwardness is endearing. Nia is the most spontaneous, creative person you will ever meet, and she leaves a trail of smiley faces wherever she goes. Not only will she win the Nobel Prize for FUN, but she’ll also win a gold medal for FUN. In gratitude, Nia would like to dedicate this honor to everyone she has made slightly uncomfortable with her upbeat and offbeat nature.
Senior You Wish You Knew: Russyan Mark Mabeza
“Oh, you know Russyan?” “I LOVE Russyan” “Russyan’s so great!” “How do you not know Russyan?” If the consistent triple-digit Facebook profile likes or the standing ovations at Derby concerts weren’t enough of an indicator, Russyan is most definitely the senior you wish you knew. His bright smile, compelling nature, and hyper-infectious laugh have reached many circles at Brown. His heart-wrenching play, hard work in lab, devotion to his faith, and last, but certainly not least, his angelic voice, have touched the theater community, the Branch, the Brown Derbies, and the Bio Department (yes, Drosophila are people too). He’s one of the most approachable people around, so don’t worry if you haven’t met him yet, there’s still time for him to give you love.
Most Likely to Have a Wedding at Brown: Alex Drechsler and Steph Hennings
Alex Drechsler and Steph Hennings met at the young age of 13 at a bar mitzvah in Westchester, New York. They have been inseparable since. In addition to both applying to Brown early decision, they are both studying Economics, and will both be working at the same firm after graduation–in fact, they will work on the same floor. Their only real time apart was freshman year, when Alex lived in Wayland and Steph lived in Wooley on Pembroke Campus. They survived this long-distance relationship and have lived nearby the remaining years. They both also love Brown and will take every opportunity to return to campus after graduation. They only hope President Paxson will RSVP yes to the invitation.