Left Shark at Brown

The best part of the Superbowl, besides when the Patriots MURDERED the Seahawks on the biggest stage and on the biggest play, was Left Shark.

Left Shark stole the half time show from Katy Perry, Missy Eliott and Lenny “Biggest Scarf In the World” Kravitz, and went viral. Since I only blog about hard hitting news, I decided to tackle the idea of the Left Shark as a student at Brown.

Screen Shot

= .25 x Left Shark (I am not a math concentrator)

Where would Left Shark live?

Left Shark couldn’t live in any of the freshman dorms because the water pressure is too low and a shark could not survive in a Keeney or Andrews bathroom. Trust me, I have tested this (R.I.P. Simon, my hammerhead friend). To be safe, Left Shark would live in the pool in Nelson because he is a shark and sharks live in water… no brainer. Also, realistically, Left Shark would eat any given roommate.

What would Left Shark study?

Left Shark is surprisingly very right-wing. Ultra conservative. Allegedly, he has said “Obama is not a friend, Obama is food.” He would probably study Econ and BEO. In an attempt to separate himself from his parents, he would likely study nothing to do with marine life. (But mom, I don’t want to learn about other sharks! I just want to be the first shark to work on Wall Street.[Ed. he’d be far from the first shark to work on Wall Street…] 

What would Left Shark do socially?

Since there are no other sharks on campus, he would have to form a new group of people. I feel like he would likely confuse the diving team, swim team, and water polo team for seals in the pool and eat them so they are out of the question. Would he join a fraternity? Make his own? Maybe he would form Sigma Phi Shark.

Screen Shot 2015-02-10 at 4.21.41 PM

Leave a Reply