Career Fair 2015: How I lost my swag, but still brought home swag

For the past two years, I’ve been infamous for stealing the giveaways from the career fairs. How can you steal something that’s free, you may ask? Well, the freebies are usually intended for students who are interested in working for these companies. I have notoriously shown zero interest in getting a job, and that is why the majority of employers at this fair hate me.

Alas, now I am nearing the end of my life–adulthood–and I need a summer internship. I had originally planned to attend this year’s career fair in all seriousness and instead of just documenting all the goodies I brought home, I would document all of the rejection I experienced. It did not go as planned. Well, the rejection part went as expected, but I still got a lot of free stuff.

My dear readers, I promise, I tried to change. I dressed business casual even though it was a fruitless gesture under my winter coat and scarf. I printed out FOUR resumes because I heard that’s something you’re supposed to do. Unfortunately, desperation works in strange ways. There were only so many times I could cheerfully ask tech companies if they were interested in a blogger with no applicable skills! Enough with my excuses. Without further ado, here is the haul for 2015:

The toys

toys

IXL is one of those companies where a writer could initially think they are a good fit before realizing that the representatives at the fair were only recruiting website builders (much like the table for the New York Times). Shrouded in disappointment, I couldn’t say no to a compressible frisbee. Or dominoes. Speaking of, did you know there are rules for dominoes? I always thought the tiles were more of a décor statement.

The tech

tech

Lots of rechargeable batteries and car adapters–new developments, as these goodies were definitely not present at the 2013 Fall Career Fair. They were welcome developments, seeing as my phone is always running out of juice.

The Air Force

closed fighter jetfighter jet

Regardless of how you feel about ROTC, you can’t deny that this mini fighter pilot is the coolest USB drive you’ve ever seen! I actually gave my resume to these guys in case they wanted someone in public relations. Stay tuned to find out if I become an employee of the military.

The socks

socks

RetailMeNot was very upfront with me–they’re not interested in anyone who can’t code. I appreciated their honesty, but more so, I appreciated their generosity in allowing me to have these charming socks despite my CS disability. Genius marketing.

The tattoo

temp tatt

Okay, the temporary tattoo. Honestly, I didn’t even feign interest in the paperless stationary company that was giving these out (ten bucks says they’re the only company that would’ve given me a job), but you guys know that I can’t resist anything spicy. A Sriracha tat? Sign me up!

The hats

jane capital hattrip advisor hat

 

Jane Street Capital and TripAdvisor both upped their game this year by handing out awesome hats. Initially, I was not allowed to take a beanie from TripAdvisor, because I’m not a member of the CS cult. However, once the employer realized I was a blogger, I got a bunch of twitter handles to shout out, a free hat, and an email address for potential jobs at the company that don’t involve tech. Here it goes: a big thanks to @tripadvisor, @tripadvisorscareers, and @Ashlene_Ferris, for keeping my head warm!

The penis joke

my data t shirt

Enough said, Adobe. Enough said.

Finally, the absurd winner this year:

The Oculus Rift

oculus rift

This was not technically a giveaway (that would have been unreal), but seriously, who brings two Oculus Rift headsets to the career fair? Apparently, TwoSigma always brings their best, despite the fact that they “do not invest in Oculus Rift.” In fact, their company has no direct links to the device, as they are a hedgefund. Upon inquiry, the table attendant said it was “just a fun way to showcase what we do, in an interactive way.” As pictured below, I tried it out. It was super trippy and the 360 degree world I was plunged into did very little to unravel the mystery as to why this was necessary. Spoiler alert: Even in virtual reality, I’m still unemployed. TwoSigma, you win the career fair this year, for trying way too hard.

oculus me

I left with a full knapsack and crushed dreams. I would like to say that I learned some valuable tricks for job hunting, but the only realizations I had were a) once again, I should’ve majored in Computer Science, and b) resumes get all crumpled if you don’t protect them with a folder.

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