Sextion: Embracing the hand job

lanadelforeplay

Something truly shocking happened to me this weekend. I was in bed with my new phe, enjoying a leisurely Saturday morning make-out sesh, when phe asked me for something I was totally unprepared for: a hand job. I was dumbfounded. What were we, in tenth grade? Not only had I not given a hand job in literal years, I had been repeatedly told by friends/partners/Cosmopolitan magazine that receiving a hand job is completely unenjoyable for someone who has perfected the art themselves. Panicking at the thought of failure (as many Brown students do), I made a joke about something else and changed the subject.

Why was I so much more willing to give a blow job or do something kinky than give a good old-fashioned hand job? Back in the day (whenever that is for you), a hand job was a big deal that warranted hours of discussion with friends. Techniques, reactions, and personal emotions were matters that really needed to parsed apart. Now, brief handplay may be included in foreplay, but it is no longer the main event.

Which is why, when asked for a hand job, I totally freaked. After some introspection, however, I realized how ridiculous I was being. It’s not like phe was asking me to do something totally insane that I was unprepared for. I’m all about someone using their hands to pleasure me (more on that soon), so why wouldn’t I want to do this simple thing to make my phe feel good?

I’m putting out a call to everyone reading this: embrace the hand job (pun intended)! Get in the mindset of how thrilling it was the first time you did it, and it will be just as exciting for you as the recipient.

For those of you, like me on Saturday morning, who are not confident in your hand skills, beyond the basic heavy petting, let’s get into the details:

  1. Some sort of lubrication is key. Water-based lube works the best, but massage oil or lotion can also work. Seriously, anything is better than a dry, rickety hand job. Yikes.
  2. Start off slow and steady to get into a good rhythm. Like many sexual acts, the beginning may be a little awkward as you are figuring out how long to make your strokes or how tight your grip should be. This is where it is really important to ask what phe likes, to make sure you are not heading in the wrong direction.
  3. When things start revving up, it is all about variety. Take some time to explore the rest of that area: play with the balls (often forgotten, much to their chagrin) or stroke the perineum (the super sensitive area between the balls and the anus). The key to most sex moves is mixing it up to keep it interesting, so go a little faster, then slow down, repeating until your partner can’t stand the tension anymore.
  4. Finish strong! When you can tell your partner is close, go just a little bit faster, grab a little tighter, and/or start using both hands. With dedication, you should both reach your goal. A+!

Remember: there are tons of different techniques, and everyone’s body is different. So go with what your partner says is feeling good. Also, if you are unsure what to do, ask them to demonstrate what they like — believe it or not, that is totally not embarrassing, and they would rather you do it the right way, then struggle to do it the wrong way.

Hand jobs are back and (depending on your technique) better than ever. Together, we can make the hand job the main attraction again. There’s always time for a dirtier Round 2 later…

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