New writer profiles: Welcome to the internet, Blog babies

A new semester brings new beginnings and, of course, new Blog writers. We’ve got a rambunctious crew this time around and we can’t wait to see what the new Blog Babies will bring to the proverbial table. They’re already writing up a storm, so be sure to keep an eye out for their new content! BlogDailyHerald presents to you our latest additions to the staff:

Jack Parker: Jack Parker (great name, right? such a “first-y last-y”) is the coolest Dad to be joining BlogDH this semester. Mr. Parker, as his kids’ friends call him, is currently a floating freshman, not having decided what to study. A lifelong New Yorker, he loves all New York sports teams, especially the Yankees (as a Boston native, it was painful for me to write that). A true “cool dad,” he has his finger on the pulse: he loves Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones, in addition to every Will Ferrell movie ever made. He plans on attending “Brown Only Karaoke” every week for the rest of the year.

-Lana del Foreplay

sashalandLana del Foreplay: To quote Shakespeare: “What’s in a name?” For Lana del Foreplay, the answer is everything. Dedicated to the study of all things sex-related throughout her time in college, Lana felt truly awakened after her semester in FemSex. When the opportunity to write Sextion came about, she could not resist the opportunity to embrace her inner Samantha Jones (not Carrie Bradshaw, she sucks). As a second semester senior, she may not know what she’s doing next year, but she does have plenty of jobs lined up (get it?). Despite her love of casual hook-ups and sex, she is still looking for someone to kiss under Soldiers Arch at midnight.

-Lana del Foreplay

ryancruiseRyan Cruise: Ryan Cruise ’17 is a Denver native who spends most of her time walking dogs, or thinking about dogs. Ryan is a Literary Arts concentrator with hopes of becoming a comedy writer, or at least a more famous dog walker. When she’s not writing jokes or petting a dog, you can find Ryan performing sketch comedy with Out of Bounds or stand up with the Brown RISD Stand Up Comics. Her favorite word is balloon and her favorite shape is the triangle. Her only weaknesses are fire and having to identify her weaknesses. Her favorite Disney character is the dad from Tarzan (Archimedes Q. Porter), because, well, doesn’t he just seem like such a nice dad?

-Emma Axelrod

Emma Axelrod: Emma Axelrod is BlogDailyHerald’s new copy writer. She writes sponsored content so that BDH and Blog can make money and do cool things. Emma lives in Montclair, New Jersey–the part of the state that indeed refers to itself as “Jersey,” not “Joisey”–and when she isn’t busy making cash flow for Blog, she writes culture content for the Brown Political Review. Unsurprisingly, she thinks she’s going to concentrate in political science, probably. While not otherwise occupied, Emma is an avid knitter and likes to spend a borderline worrisome quantity of time camping out at the Ratty, where she sips unlimited tea and coffee. As a toddler, Emma spent a whole year of her life refusing to wear any outfit besides her Snow White costume. For that reason, Snow will always have a special place in Emma’s heart as her favorite Disney character. That, and because Emma can only hope to pull off such bold red lipstick and black eyeliner at once some day.

-Ryan Cruise

Haley-CrushHaley Alvarez: Haley is known as “Hurley” among friends, but a combination of her nine piercings and likeness to Amy Poehler has earned her the title of “The Bad Babe from Bridgewater” among freshmen guys. Still, many of them couldn’t tell you where Bridgewater is (North Jersey). She just finished her senior season of field hockey and will adjust to the extra 4 hours of free time every day doing what she loves: eating sushi, concentrating on her English and non-fiction, going to Disney World again (she’s been 28 times), and hanging out with her best friend Moose, who happens to be a Bernese Mountain Dog. I’m not sure what would impress Haley, but I can safely say that giving her vegetables (especially broccoli) would be a grave mistake. Vegetables aside, she’s going to be a fantastic contributor this semester. In the words of Crush, her favorite pixar character, “Grab shell dude!” and get ready for some righteous posts.

-Jackson Cantrell

Jackson Cantrell: Jackson is a freshman from Seattle, Washington (yes, he struggled through all five stages of grief after the Super Bowl loss). He hasn’t quite found a concentration at Brown yet, but he loves backpacking, hiking, swimming, and sunshine in general (and is now revisiting the stages of grief after the four blizzards this winter). Jackson spends most of his free time on Wikipedia, claims that he knows one dance move, “the pin drop,” and if he had a mediocre super power, it would be the ability to control hair length on demand. This is most likely because his old passport was printed incorrectly, mistaking him for a female due to his long, luscious locks.

-Haley Alvarez

matteomobilioMatteo Mobilio: A new writer/photographer from New York City, Matteo still roots for the Philadelphia Eagles—his dad hails from South Philly. A junior recently transferred from Connecticut College, he’s joining BlogDailyHerald after his first semester here at Brown, and is also a media rep for WBRU, takes photos for Humans of Brown University, and will be soon producing a film, On the Run, for BMP. Around campus, you can also find him eating Italian food or listening to hip-hop. Matteo’s a compassionate guy, who, around age 12, gave away his turtle, Tortilla, in the hopes that the little guy would “have a better life.” Last semester, he worked in event management in NYC, where he got to meet “a lot of celebrities.” Nowadays, he’s concentrating in history, and considering a double concentration in English as well. His favorite Pixar character is Mr. Potato Head, presumably because, like Matteo, he also “reps Brooklyn pretty hard.”

-Anthony DeRita

Anthony-CrushAnthony DeRita: Anthony is a freshman considering a concentration in “I have no clue.” This year, he won the freshman year housing lottery by getting placed in Miller and is thrilled to be living so close to Andrews. In his free time, Anthony involves himself in PW shows; he was in Wonderland a couple weeks ago, and is now starring as the mother of a Spanish widow in House of Bernada Alba. When asked about his hometown, Anthony reports that he’s from South Jersey–which is really close to Philadelphia. The person sitting at the table next to us exclaims, “No way! I’m from Hattenfield!” They start talking about South Jersey. Anthony is very friendly. When he’s not on stage, he’s probably rapping Nicki Minaj’s verse in “Monster,” or researching roller coasters. During summers, he works at a water park in Wildwood, NJ and is a big amusement park fan. Best perk of the job: getting to ride for free. Like all of us, Anthony is also a big fan of Netflix with his favorite genre of film/television being: “Trouble in Suburbia,” to which he adds, “stuff like Heathers.” He took the Buzzfeed quiz and his Pixar character is Crush from Finding Nemo. Asked if he likes turtles, he responds, “Yeah, they’re pretty cool.”

-Matteo Mobilio

Images via Albie Brown ’16, Taylor DeRosa ’16, Arely Diaz ’17, Jokichi Matsubara ’18, and Jason Hu ’15.

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