Hard in da Tank: A round-up for 2015

Spring Weekend tanks can be so many things: oddly specific, occasionally unflatteringly, aggressively well designed, and in support of a good cause. Another year means another round-up, so that you, the consumer, can make an informed decision on which piece of apparel you will be almost puking on ROCKING come April. Welcome to the line-up release party, swag edition.

The feminist killjoy:

Shout-out to our fellow student publication, bluestockings, for taking a b.s. insult and turning it into an awesome tank. Also, a shout-out to booster.com, which really wants us to know that the colors shown may vary from shirt to shirt. Proceeds go towards keeping bluestocking’s website, magazine, and workshops alive and well. $20 here.

The tanks that won’t leave you alone:

From Facebook groups to posters in the Jameson bathroom, these babies have been everywhere. The dizzy bear design is solid, and the plant-friendly option could always be reincorporated into your wardrobe later in the month… or if Willie Nelson visits Providence. $15 here, before shipping and handling.

The throwback:

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For everyone who is bummed that neither the Backstreet Boys or the Spice Girls will be making an appearance this Spring Weekend, these tanks are for you. Also, for everyone who loves and requires consent (which should, indeed, be everyone). The shirts are relevant, and the altered lyrics are extremely catchy. Friends may last forever but Spring Weekend never ends. $16 here, and “profits go towards sexual assault prevention education, and the Day One Sexual Assault and Trauma Center.”

The kitties:

The campaign for Party Cat has already ended, but we’re including it because their campaign specifically assured us that these tanks will not run into any problems with headliner Modest Mouse. Honestly, that hypothetical conflict sounds like some top notch entertainment. There will also be 48 of them floating around campus. If you’re still yearning to unleash your inner feline for Spring Weekend, $13 Round of A Paws hasn’t hit the press yet. You can find it here, and seamlessly represent your two favorite things: dancing kittens and Waka Flocka Flame.

The design powerhouses:

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Insanely detailed, and with fonts that keep you guessing, Karl the ShirtSmith does not disappoint. Although the name is new (and bizarre), if you’ve been paying attention, you will recognize the artistry from elsewhere. In an exciting collaboration, the T-shirt option features sleeves by CLNK, everyone’s favorite “Everyday Africa” student fashion line. Sure to turn heads, and you have until the 31st to place your order here.

Artbeat, a new group on campus, has produced six stunning designs, all from four students in the class of 2017. If you’re interested in wearing one of these pieces on your upper body, vote on the logistics for which tanks should be printed here. They will update you via email for pre-order information, but the current estimate for pricing is $15 per tank. You even get to throw in your two cents on color!

The beverage-themed:

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You are what you eat, now wear what you drink. From the people who brought you last year’s Gansett tanks, here is “The Brooklyn.” Self-proclaimed to pair “equally well with salmon Chubbies, denim cutoffs, or body paint”, you’ll be covering all your bases, regardless of style identity. $20 here, with the added bonus of printing locally!

The (almost) clever:

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Attention Brown pre-meds, now you finally have a tank top that celebrates your nonstop studying, and qualifies why you’re going so hard during Spring Week: because someone finally let you out of the Sci-li! For a mere $12.55, you can order the shirts here, and constantly be pestered for medical advice on Main Green. Hint: the correct answer is probably to drink more fluids. It always is.

The cinematic:

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Brown Motion Pictures presents the Full Body Shot. No relation to Full Metal Jacket. Written by BMP, directed by BMP, and acted by you! Get it here, for $15.

The semi-freebie:

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Stiff competition, just like the job market that you’re trying not to think about. We’re stressed just hearing about this, but if you’re not, stay tuned with Career Lab’s emails and Facebook page. Supposedly, they are set to give away forty tanks over two days, in a big red tent on Main Green.

The bleached collection:

Another favorite returns with “this is what a feminist looks like.” The $12 for the feminist tank will go toward funding the second-ever Feminist Leadership and Mentorship for Equality Conference for Rhode Island high schoolers, and you can lend a hand at this link! In a more political, and potentially more truthful, rewrite of the eternal Jay-Z hook, you can let your torso passively fight the power this Spring Weekend. Before you buy it, think about what bodies should be occupying this tank top, and who actually faces negative impacts from white supremacy – a.k.a. if it’s not your 99 problems, don’t wear it. As for Brown Mountain State, who knows what it’s referring to? Try to figure out what it means here!

The head-scratcher:

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No, Abe is not one of the hipster opening acts for Spring Weekend that you’ve never heard of. He’s also not an anagram for Beyonce. Actually, Abe is a Brown student who just happens to look epic in sunglasses. Now he is on a tank top. You go, Abe Evans, for $17.14.

The artsy bae:

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Shakespeare on the Green steps into the ring, with a shirt that appeals to pop culture aficionados and Shakespeare fanatics alike. The heather pink American Apparel material will keep you cozy, and the skull graphic will keep you in the mood to party. Commit to looking good, even if your bae abandons you before Fratty at the Ratty, or if your uncle murders your father so he can get with your mom. Available to order through google form for $15.

The biased standard:

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Timeless. Literally, because this was the design from 2012. Re-imagined exactly as it was three years ago, you would be a fool not to buy it for the bargain of $15. Cherry on top: it’s handed out by yours truly. Check our Facebook page/website for ordering details, and get your angry bear face on.

Make sure you keep track of which campaigns reach their printing minimum, and when orders close; printing deadlines are approaching. Here’s to a weekend that is (hopefully) warm enough for us to walk around in tank tops!

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