Sextion/IFF Presents: Monogamy is hard to do

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On Sunday, I went to the final IFF event, an advanced screening of Judd Apatow’s new film Trainwreck. I won’t lie, I was somewhat dubious about the film before the screening. Was it a RomCom? A regulation Apatow comedy without Seth Rogen? Where did it fall on the spectrum between Bridesmaids and The 40-Year Old Virgin? After two hours in Granoff, I still don’t think I can define it, but I will say: it was AMAZING. And seriously got me thinking.

Amy Schumer, the hottest lady in comedy right now, stars as Amy (so creative, right?), a writer at a ridiculously hetero-normative men’s magazine in New York City (one article pitch is, “Are you gay, or is she just boring?”). She may be doing alright professionally, but in her personal life, she is a hot mess. Believing that “monogamy is unrealistic,” a lesson her dad taught her at a young age, Amy gets drunk/high, hooks up with randos, and stumbles home with reckless abandon on the regular. I obviously have no problem with random hook ups and one night stands, but Amy really takes it to a new level. Thanks to a random assignment on a successful sports doctor, she meets Aaron, played by Bill Hader at his most adorable, and the rest of the movie is the story of Amy’s first real relationship.

I left the movie with my friends, gushing about how cute it was, in addition to retelling our favorite jokes (I literally had tears streaming down my face at one scene with Amy on a therapeutic treadmill). We all cooed about how much we want a relationship just like Amy and Aaron’s, which was so natural and fun and believable. I started thinking about relationships in college in general, something I often think of as rare and harder to find than Josiah Carberry. Because while I’ve definitely hooked up with a lot of people in college, I have not ended up in a relationship with any of them. Was no one willing to settle down?

I had an experience earlier this semester that really cemented my view of monogamy in college. I had a good friend (the inspiration for this article) admit phe had been having feelings for me for awhile. During our talk, I asked what phe wanted in an ideal world, to which I got the reply, “I don’t know, maybe friends with benefits? I want to just try it out for a little.” While this is a totally legitimate answer theoretically, I couldn’t help but be somewhat confused–if you’re telling me how into me you are, why don’t you want to lock me down? Make it official?

We are living in a time where there are more options available than any other generation in history. These options aren’t just related to choices in food, fashion, music, and every other consumer good available; they also trickle into our love lives. No longer am I limited to my college campus when trying to meet someone special: I can go on Tinder, Facebook, OKCupid, Bumble, JSwipe, Hinge, among tons of others, to try to find that person I’ve been looking for. So why should I settle if I’m not 100% certain–there could be someone even better waiting for me.

The reason, my friends in relationship tell me, is because you meet someone that you do want to spend a ton of time with and can’t imagine being with anyone else. If you currently feel this way about someone, hold on to it: it’s pretty uncommon, believe it or not. However, if you don’t feel that way, there is no need to be in a relationship. Explore your own self. Explore new partners. Figure out what you like and what you don’t like. For all of my complaining about previous partners not wanting to settle down, looking back, I wouldn’t have wanted to be with any of them either. Looking forward, being single rocks, and I want it that way for my senior spring. So wait for your Amy or Aaron, because when you find it, I promise it will be worth it.

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