The post-Spring Weekend detox plan

cleanse

With the end of Spring Weekend debauchery comes one of the most feared and talked-about social ills known to campus: the post-bender hangover. Whatever crazy things you did these last few days will undoubtedly be followed by a series of ailments. Whether it’s an incredibly hellish headache, stomach issue, sinus infection, or any combination of illnesses, it’s your body’s way of saying f**k you, this is payback. So what can we as Brown students do? Although pretending that we aren’t enrolled in college and staying in bed all week does sound like a good idea, we have to live up to our play hard-work hard reputation. That is why we created a list of the best ways you can detox here on campus.

The Vita-Coco Cleanse

There is a reason the Blue Room stocks these bad boys. Use all your meal credits, points, Bear Bucks or cash, and stock up on as many as you can get your hands on. No solid foods for the next week.

The Bathroom Steam Sauna

We hope to make RPLs angry Norwegians jealous with this time-honored Scandinavian tradition. All you need is a few towels, some eucalyptus oil, and a lock on your bathroom. Just throw a few towels underneath the door, turn all the showers on to full blast, and inhale the sweet vapors of a steam room. (Disclaimer: BlogDailyHerald is not legallyor financially responsible for any damage done to the dorm, oneself, or one’s pride.)

The Ratty Liquid Diet

You see all those soda machines and juice dispensers? Those are your best friends. Who needs runny eggs? Who needs mystery meat? Grab some work, maybe a blanket, and pack in for the long haul in the ratty.

Kabob and Curry

Two words: Sunday Buffet. Kabob and Curry offers a nice deal on Sundays, when they serve an all-you-can-eat brunch. If you still haven’t started feeling better by then, go there and eat as much spicy food as possible. You’ll know what we’re talking about a couple hours after when you’re frantically running to the bathroom.

 

Though this list promises to help you feel better physically, there isn’t really anything we can do to heal your emotional pride after a week quite like Spring Week. All the stupid, alcohol-fueled stuff you did is forever chronicled in the annals of Brown history and your Facebook news feed (thank God for timeline review). The good news is that everyone else was probably just as drunk as you were, so they probably won’t remember either.

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