99 Problems, But a Bench Ain’t One: A Ranking of the RISD Museum’s benches

The RISD museum is dedicated to curating the best art for scholarly study and inspiration. But let’s be honest, becoming cultured is hard, hard work and sometimes you need a quick break on a bench between the Asian Textile Collection and the Charles Pendleton House. And because Brown students are already absurdly overinvolved, I have done all the work and ranked the most cush for your tush on a scale that considers both aesthetic appeal and heinie happiness comfort.

1. The Black Bench in the Lobby

It’s not hard to be apathetic to the minimalist Black Bench because it is like any other bench: not particularly comfortable or aesthetically pleasing. With no backrest, the potential to touch someone’s sweaty back is just too high and that is never a good start to artistic enlightenment. Aesthetic Score: pallets that hold paper towels at Costco, 2/10.

Jim Drain benches

2. Jim Drain’s Untitled

The aesthetic appeal of a bench that has taken on the color scheme of early 2000’s Nicklelodeon is undeniably 10/10. However, it should come as no surprise that a bench comprised only of handrails is not at all comfortable. Stay just long enough for an Instagram photo. Valencia or Amaro, is recommended.

 

RISDM 85-144-2

3. Howard Ben Tre’s Two Benches

To be fair, I did not sit on this “cast glass and patinated copper” bench because I thought it was a sculpture of an abstract dog. Also, why is it called Two Benches? There is only one. Artists, am I right? Anyways, aesthetic score? Canine. Caboose Contentment Score? Undetermined.

4. The Wavy Bench in the Ancient Greek and Roman Room

This seems to be the one actual bench with the purpose of being a bench in the whole museum. Inconspicuously simple, it sits unheralded in all its glory. Now, you ask, how wonderful is this bench? Allow me to explain, the bench is shaped in a wavy texture with lows and highs. The lows are perfectly shaped to support the gluteus maximus, allowing you to rest comfortably after a long day pretending like you know what half of the art in the museum means. The highs support the butt in a way that straightens up your posture, like Birkenstocks….for the badonkadonk. Aesthetic: 7/10 Comfort: 10/10

In short, you’re welcome. You are now more than prepared to become more artistically aware, but also more knowledgeable on taking some amazing breaks in between. Go forth and conquer the RISD art museum.

 

Images viavia.

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