Hey, Brunonia! This is Demisexual Lovato, your new Sextion writer. If you are puzzled or confused by my pseudonym, allow me to explain: demisexuals are folks who don’t feel sexually attracted to other people unless they’ve gotten to know them on an emotional or romantic level. Essentially– I’m all about the feels. But have no fear! I’ll still be talking about hooking up, romance, and everything in between during my tenure as Blog’s Sextion columnist.
It’s September 5th, 2015. 1,600-ish nervous freshmen (including me!) are moving into their dorms.
Many are looking for love and almost all are looking for friendship. Somewhere between these two goals lies the issue: the friendzone. At a time when most of us are rushing to make friends and meet as many new people as possible, it’s so easy in this chaos to mistake kindness for romantic interest or to brush off someone’s subtle flirtations as, “Oh, they are just a really nice person.” Whether you are looking for close friendship, a serious relationship, a friend with benefits, casual dating, random hookups, a study buddy, a crazed sex monster, or nothing at all along the lines of human attachment, you have probably already experienced the feelings of uncertainty and confusion that accompany this new and foreign territory.
The most perplexing person you’ve met thus far is your new (and, might I add, devilishly attractive) best friend in whom you can’t help but find yourself interested. Do they like you back? Are you willing to risk your amazing new friendship to find out?
I learned the answers to these questions the hard way. It was just one short week into college and I had spent every night chilling, laughing, and talking with my neighbor who was rapidly becoming my best guy friend at Brown. I was determined to figure out this boy’s intentions toward me—I’ve never been a fan of the emotionally ambiguous. So (prepare to look aghast), I told him I had a crush on him and that I was hoping to be more than friends. He ever so graciously explained that he wanted to be the dreaded “just friends” with me.
Sure, I was disappointed and slightly crushed, but isn’t college about putting yourself out there? I was, and still am, glad that I told him, because now I can focus my romantic and sexual energies toward people who want to be more than just friends with me back.
So next time you see that just oh-so-perfect friend of yours, perhaps you should consider telling them how you feel. The agony of not knowing and the wasted time fantasizing about dating them are definitely worse than the possibility of rejection. However, before you say anything, be sure to make sure you aren’t wearing “dry spell goggles:” the desperate and haunting desire to get with anyone with a pulse because it has just been way too long since your last hookup. Many freshmen fed up with the kids at their high schools come to college wearing these; do not let these goggles fool you into thinking you’re into someone that you just aren’t into!
If you decide you really like them and they do reject you, remember that this doesn’t reflect negatively on you at all. Let’s be real here: you’re awesome and anyone would be crazy to not want to date you. You know it, I know it, the whole damn world knows it. As great as this friend is, don’t spend your time fixated on them if they don’t see how radiant you are. Just remind yourself that the kind of person you want to be with is the kind of person who wants to be with you!
And if they do reciprocate your feelings, then hallelujah!
Go on, Brunonians, and test the waters.
Images via and via Albert Brown ’16