What your Halloween costume choice says about you

Despite Providence being the “Creative Capital” (in a unanimous poll of only Providence), Halloween costumes tend to fall into pretty predictable categories at Brown. Here’s a rundown of the various families of Halloween costumes that we year after year on campus, and what they say about you:

A pop culture reference from the 90s

What’s that? You’re Johnny Tsunami?! Awesome! Relevant! You’re just a 90s kid at heart, despite the fact that in 2000 you were only a six year-old. That Disney Channel Original movie/Nickelodeon cartoon has really stood the test of time. This kind of costume screams, “I’m going to have a lot of conversations tonight that go, ‘oh yeah I remember that movie…good one.’” 

Nope. We won't regret this as the night goes on at all.

Nope. We won’t regret this as the night goes on at all.

A current pop culture reference

How many people are going to be characters from Bob’s Burgers? What about that gold/blue dress? The sharks from Katy Perry’s Super Bowl show? If you go with this route, people will generally think, “Oh! This is a person who has Wi-Fi. Nice!”

A Brown buzzword costume

It’s totally awesome that you are the patriarchy for halloween, but like, maybe it’s not as clear as you think it is. Does heteronormativity count as a costume if you’re just dressed like, you know, a vague stereotypical male? If you are a Brown buzzword, it probably means you go here.

A profession

So, like, you’re a doctor? Or lawyer? Clown? Is this halloween or dress up? Are you just trying to tell us you plan on going to grad school? Whatever. Dress for the job you want and dress for success. 

"MerMAN, pop! MerMAN!"

“MerMAN, pop! MerMAN!”

A political costume

The lines between Bernie Sanders, Larry David, and Wood Allen are pretty vague on Halloween, so I’d be careful. You’ll also probably get kicked out of a party if you dress as Trump. Tread lightly. Waiting for whoever is presidential candidate Kanye West and First Lady Kim K. This kind of costume inevitably advertises, “I’m a democrat. This is a scathing review of our bipartisan political system but also ayooooo Happy Halloween!”

A couples/group costume that makes no sense or is stupid

You and your friends all have this awesome idea when you are flavors of Ben and Jerry’s. Or colors of Crayola crayons. Or Greek gods until you realize that all of the Greek gods kind of look the same and you’re all just wearing sheets.You want to be all the girls from the “Bad Blood” music video? What will people guess you are when your group splits up?

That said, you and your significant other should totally be a plug and a socket. Get it? Just think about it.

Comedy gold.

Comedy gold.

A pun that won’t land well

A chick magnet. Hilarious.

Above: bad parenting

Above: bad parenting

A classic

A ghost. Frankenstein. A witch. Not a specific witch, like Hermione. Just a witch. This is the stuff of Halloween gold. If you see someone as a werewolf, consider proposing to them. They are a person who can see yourself spending every halloween with to come.

Sexy______

I’m all for sexy costumes. I have no moral judgements for those who dress sexy on Halloween. All power to you. Just remember it’s like, the end of October in the Northeast. And even though sexy Dobby is free, we can all see sexy Dobby’s rock hard nipples through that body pillow case.

Who says America isn't great?

Who says America isn’t great?

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