Spooky Halloween Spirits

My favorite part about ‘words’ is that they can have multiple definitions. Case in point, the word ‘spirit.’ On Dictionary.com, there are 31 definitions of the word spirit. But for the real definitions, I went to old faithful: Urban Dictionary.

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“Some thing”

Point is, I like Halloween, I like drinking, and I really like doing the two together. Get ready for a list of truly terrifying drinks, ’cause nothing goes together better like spirits and spirits.

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Piña Ghoul-ada

Combine equal amounts coconut cream, pineapple juice, and ice in a blender. Add rum – maybe some Mali-boo rum! Garnish with a devilishly red Maraschino cherry.

Morgue-a-rita

Buy margarita mix and combine with tequila and ice. Drink in a cold, dank place.

Mint Boo-lip

Perhaps invented by the ghost of a wealthy patron watching his ghost horses race at Churchill Downs, this mint boo-lip is certain to have you cheering for the ghost horse. Mint, bourbon, ice, seltzer. Go Seabiscuit!

An aside: I looked up “ghost horse” and there is a “Ghost Horse Vineyard.” I’m pretty sure their webpage home screen is a screenshot of their Facebook page.

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Witch-skey Sour

Fly off the handle after drinking one or two of these Witch-skey Sours. Whiskey, lemon juice, ice cubes, sweet syrup, and egg whites.

Bailey’s Irish Scream

Shots of this will have you howling. Also, will leave you pretty hungover if you drink too much.

Fright Russian

A White Russian but made with milk that is one day past the expiration date… Honestly, this one is too scary for anyone except my dad, who says he “doesn’t mind” drinking coffee with expired milk in it.

Halloween Punch

An excuse to link this video.

Mar-teeny Head

This was the first pun I thought of – and I refuse to take it off the list. It vaguely has something to do with Shrunken Heads (Drunken Heads??) which are, at the very least, creepy, if not explicitly Halloween-themed.

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Bloody Scary

Sure, Bloody Mary’s are frighteningly good and frightening enough… but this Bloody Scary is truly terrifying.

Coke and Jack O’Lantern

Mix Jack and Coke in a hollowed-out pumpkin. Bonus: Carve out a face. Add some 151 on the top of your drink and light on fire.

Ichabod Champagne

Drink André from a Sleepy-Hollowed out pumpkin. Lose your goddamn head.

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Monster and Vodka

A beverage that is a mainstay in the bar in the lobby of Hotel Transylvania. It is the drink version of re-animating a corpse with a bolt of lightning.

Franzenstein

This monstrous beverage involves you putting the box over your head while you drink Franzia through a small hole. Bonus points if you act scared of the aforementioned Coke and Jack O’Lantern. Extra bonus points if you put two screwdrivers (the drink) on your neck.

Demonic Gin and Tonic

Freaky! There isn’t really anything special about this one – it’s just gin + tonic. But if you drink it, maybe something scary will happen?

All the pumpkin-spice beers that I’ve ever tried

I have had three types. All good. Here they are in no particular order:

  • Dogfishhead ‘Punkin Ale’
  • Harpoon Pumpkin UFO
  • Heavy Seas Greater Pumpkin

Recommend highly.

Strawberry Dra-quiri

Count Dra-quiri vants to suck your strawberry through a straw.

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Jäger Tomb

Yes, this pun doesn’t technically make any sense. But Bomb and Tomb are spelled like they should rhyme, and that’s good enough for me.

Mimos-aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!

For the morning-after brunch. Helps to cure that wicked hangover, much like curing hiccups with a fright.

Hex on the Beach! A.K.A. 666 on the Beach! A.K.A. Sex on the Screech!

Much like the classic ‘Sex on the Beach’ beverage, except these ones use way too much grenadine, so as to resemble blood. Scary!

Friday the Marteenth

A classic, ‘dirty’ martini – but maybe with some floating eyeball candies instead of olives.

Bloodweiser

Preferred to an (R.)I.P.A., the Bloodweiser is a classic on the campus of Transylvania U. It can be substituted for a Tombstone Light or, if you’re very desperate to ward off Werewolves, Coors Light a.k.a. the “Silver Bullet.”

Candy Drinks

For those who hate tricks and are just in it for the treats.

As always, enjoy your spirits responsibl-eeeeeeee! And try to avoid being that ghost:

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MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Happy Halloween!

 

Images via, via, via, via, via, via, and via Tucker Iverson ’16.

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