Sextion: It’s cuffin’ season, y’all

unnamedDo you feel it? That change in the air. That sickening curious smell of… romantic bliss?

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Yes, Brunonia. The beginning of November means that cuffing season is upon us. For those of you lucky enough to come from a warm part of the country, where cuffin’ season just isn’t really a thing, or for those of you who simply missed the term, cuffing season is:

An annual phenomenon in which people decide to hook up exclusively (i.e. get “cuffed” or tied down) just as it is starting to get cold out.

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Listen to the teacher from The Incredibles: Cuffing season is no random or accidental occurrence. As a New Englander myself, I’ve seen it happen year after year after year. Just as many of the froshies’ long distance high school relationships begin to fizzle and die out, new exclusive(ish) hookups are cropping up left and right at Brown.

Why, you ask? I’m sure it has a whole lot to do with weird, gross biology and evolutionary advantageous “Hey you, let’s survive the winter together” stuff. Don’t ask me. I’m just the sex columnist.

Either way, it is happening. More than half of my friends suddenly have baes who came out of left field. And by left field, I mean “the fear of spending the long, dark, cold winter without someone to cuddle with.”

Pay attention to your surrounds. Do you see all of the people holding hands? Can you spot all of the people kissing in public areas (I’m looking at you, the couple I always see canoodling in the Andrews study lounge)? Can you hear the people above you in Grad Center having legit wild sex?

They’re everywhere. And I have to admit—it is kind of cute.

But, it begs the question, if you’re single right now and looking for someone, who should you go after? Unpopular opinion here, but someone in your dorm is the best. option. ever. (Freshmen, maybe avoid hooking up with someone in your unit. It seems fine to me, but we, as freshmen, should listen to our elders, who all say that we should avoid unitcest like the plague.)

Hooking up with someone in your building (not unit) seems like an ingenious plan. You will never have to gear up for the arctic tundra leave the building if your bae already lives there (“But what about class, Demi?” Nope. None of that.). Just make sure to keep things lowkey because the “thing” between you two might end by spring—when everyone starts to go outside and socialize again—if you are both not seriously invested in it. So remain civil please! Nobody wants Dorm War III to erupt over you two.

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If you’re one of the newly cuffed people, please remember to spend time with your friends. I know the urge to spend every second with your S.O. is real, but your friends will miss you and you’ll regret not making time for them in the long run!

I hope you enjoy the season for snuggling while you can! I’ve made a “Cuffin’ Season” Spotify playlist for all of your slow-jam/romantic sex and then subsequent cuddling needs.

Tips for this playlist:

  • Turn off shuffle. Though you could listen to this whole playlist while just hanging with your S.O., the songs toward the end of the playlist are really only for cuddling. Seriously. One is literally called “After Sex.”
  • If you do nothing else with this playlist, listen to “Warm On a Cold Night” by HONNE. It’s the ultimate cuffing season song—just look at its title! It’s easily the best song on this playlist to have sex to.

Happy cuffing, Brown!

Love,

Demi

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