Frosh-cessities: Calling your parents, guardians, and loved ones

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Many of you use your cell phones for Facebook, texting, and essentially connecting with people you care about. Often times, though, you’ll forget to connect with the people who are the reason you’re here reading this article now: your folks back home. Here’s Blog’s guide to calling your loved ones.

The occasion: Aced a test? Entered a relationship? Tried the breakfast burrito at Andrews? Whenever you experience a moment of bliss, big or small, don’t be shy to report back home. You have no idea how overjoyed they will be to live through it with you. When you applied to Brown, they were just as stressed out as you were. Then, when you got in, they were just as friggin’ happy as you were, screaming, jumping, and running around the neighborhood. On the flip-side, if you bombed that one midterm, called it quits with that kid down the hall, or bit into a moldy apple from the Ratty, don’t be afraid to share those moments either. Obviously, some parents will be more receptive or sensitive to certain issues, so gauge yours and determine what topics are discussible and which are verboten.

Timing:  Your people back home are pretty much living vicariously through you, so humor them a bit while on the phone. With that said, calling them while sober and not drunk and/or high would be optimal. Yes, the parents might want a peek into your daily life, but don’t incoherently bet your dad that you can beat him in a game of golf and don’t tell all of your horrible jokes to your mom that only your intoxicated friends would laugh at. Sunday through Thursday is prime time for making sure you’re well-behaved while on the phone.

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Frequency: This really has no set rule. If you call back home once a month but talk for hours on end, you should have your bases covered. You could also call back weekly and engage in superficial smalltalk for a couple of minutes. My personal favorites include asking my dad if he caught Sunday night’s game and telling my mom that I miss her food dish thing that she makes occasionally, and, of course, commenting on the weather. Pretend you’re back home eating dinner and throw in all of that amazing filler. If you’ve been good at BS-ing essays throughout high school, then this shouldn’t be too hard for you.

Precaution: With the above said points, don’t gravitate to extremes when deciding how often to call home. Don’t call back every waking hour and share every little detail, but also don’t pretend they don’t exist. Moderation is key.

There you have it. Share a teeny bit of Brunonia with them once in a while, and don’t overthink it. Oh yeah, and shout-out to my parents who are probably reading this and wondering why I don’t call back so often.

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