Disclaimer: I am a cis (almost entirely) straight female. Because I write from my own perspective, this article will be fairly heteronormative, meaning it is about straight cis males and not reciprocating oral sex with straight cis females. And I’m sorry about that, but I cannot write about things I have not (yet) experienced. But if you are hooking up with someone of the same sex and your partner isn’t returning the favor, that should just be grounds for flat-out termination. Don’t put up with that blatant unfairness under any circumstances!
Ladies, I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of getting bad head and/or giving it and not getting it in return. Our sexist society tacitly accepts men not reciprocating oral sex. When talking with my friends about the topic, we estimated that only 25% of the guys we have given head to have returned the favor. Sure, we may not have explicitly asked for reciprocation of oral in high school (that’s about to change), but there is still no excuse for such a low percentage.
I’d like to hope that the guys who don’t reciprocate oral sex are just not confident enough in their abilities as cunnilinguists to do so. However, sometimes it’s really for just plain dickish reasons. My best friend’s ex once said to her (and I’m quoting here): “Nah, I don’t eat girls out. It’s probably gross down there, I don’t want to put my mouth where another dick has been, and I got too much pride.” It’s safe to say I kindly encouraged her to dump him. If your partner isn’t reciprocating, ask him about it. If he says something along those horribly insulting lines, storm out of the room and end. that. shit. You are amazing and so is your vagina!
If your vagina were a human, it’d be Beyonce.
If he explains that he’s just shy or embarrassed over his lack of head skills, keep the conversation going. Explain what it is that you like (which could be anything—what you like is what you like and don’t let people tell you otherwise) and see where the evening takes you.
Normally, I would’ve put a silly winking gif here, but… James Franco.
To make my poor feminist heart ache even more, the standard to which girls hold guys for oral sex is extremely low. Seriously, I have heard girl friends of mine describe their hook ups as “Oh, it was so much fun! I didn’t come buuuuut, you know, he tried.” He… tried? He tried!??!?! It’s time for your pleasure to be prioritized! I am sick of this shit. One of my Sextion predecessors, Heather Hotpants, did a phenomenal job of explaining the various techniques that are best for great cunnilingus. Check it out, send it to your hookup/partner/whatever.
If you’re not comfortable with sending Heather’s oral sex pro-tips to your whatever or you can’t bear the thought of straight up telling him that he needs to step his head game up. Be honest. Stop fake enjoying oral to spare his feelings and only moan when he is really killing it and when you really want to. He’ll soon recognize the pattern and (hopefully) improve. If he doesn’t, you may have to suck it up and broach the awkward subject of “Yeah… this isn’t really doing it for me” out loud.
Ladies, here are some of my cunnilingus pet peeves. Do not let these slide:
- Oral sex is supposed to be all about you! Don’t let him be lazy. You are the one who should be on your back, not him on his.
- Guys still have hands even when eating you out. They don’t magically disappear because he’s using his tongue for something. Encourage your partner to use his!
- Obviously, the clitoris is the A-game (seriously, check out Heather HotPants’ post). Honestly, just have him touch it
all the timein general, but especially during oral and vaginal sex. Clitoral stimulation is the only way to get most women to orgasm. If you don’t believe me, believe Brown’s Health Services on that one. As my male friend notes, if someone tried to make a guy come by just touching his balls, it would be ridiculous, right? So is ignoring the clitoris!
With love and orgasms,