Hey y’all, it’s me, Cer Vix-a-lot. I’m taking over for Demisexual Lovato this week and I’m here to try to give y’all a crash course on female anatomy. As I’m sure a lot of you know, the sex education system in this nation is f***ed up, and a lot of people just have no idea what the hell is going on downstairs. My goal is to create a Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide to the Vagina. Let’s get started.
*Disclaimer: I’ll be throwing around words like “female” and “girl” a lot in this, but all this anatomy may not apply to transgender, intersex, or non-binary people. Remember: not all women have vaginas, and not all vaginas belong to women.*
The Visible Anatomy
- This is a diagram of the vulva, which is the external part of female genitalia. This is not the vagina. The vagina is just one of the tubes in there.
- The outer lips of the vulva are called the labia majora (literally ‘big lips’) while the smaller lips within are the labia minora.
- Right at the front of the labia minora is a roughly pea-sized nerve-packed organ called the clitoris. It’s only purpose is to feel sexual pleasure, so give it the attention it deserves!
- In the middle is the urethra, which is the opening of the tube that connects to the bladder. That means that girls pee out of the urethra. They do not pee out of the vagina.
- Lastly, at at the back of the valley created by the labia minora, is the good old-fashioned vagina.
- Oh, and behind all that is the anus. The anus isn’t reproductive, but it’s great for sex. Trust me.
What’s going on inside
- Check it out, folks. This is where babies come from.
- The vagina is really just a tube, going up to the cervix.
- The cervix is the bottom opening of the uterus (and my namesake).
- The uterus is where the fertilized egg will come and settle down to grow into a fetus after meeting a cute sperm. It’s like the suburbs for sex cells.
- The fallopian tubes connect the ovaries to the uterus, and, more often than not, it’s where the unfertilized egg cell combines with the sperm. It’s like a seedy bar for sex cells. Ha. Seedy. Like sperm. I’m hilarious.
- The ovaries are the circle-y things at the ends of the fallopian tubes, and that’s where egg cells are made and mature. They’re also the female version of testicles, which is cool. Much better placement.
- Let’s talk about orgasms, because it’s much harder for cis women to orgasm than cis men.
- Part of the reason is that the vagina only has sensitive nerve endings for the first 2-3 inches of the vagina. After that, sensation is dulled.
- Some studies found that only 25% of women can orgasm from penetration alone.
- So what’s the key?
- It’s the female version of the dick. It has so many nerve endings. Touch it. Lick it. Use it somehow, honestly.
- Women in same-sex relationships have been found to have more orgasms during sex than women who are in relationships with men, and it’s because girls get that ignoring the clitoris just isn’t going to cut it.
- What if people tried to make guys climax by just poking their balls or something? Wouldn’t that be weird? The guys probably wouldn’t come. Statistically speaking, if you ignore the clitoris, she isn’t going to, either.
Tight Vagina Myth
- Sometimes guys say that a girl with a tight vagina is probably a virgin and a girl with a loose vagina has sex a lot.
- That’s wrong.
- You’re wrong.
- A vagina can stretch because it’s basically just a tube of muscle.
- Seriously, a fucking baby can move through it.
- A tight vagina is actually just a sign of a girl who isn’t that turned-on. A loose vagina typically means that she’s aroused and comfortable.
- So listen up: If the hoo-ha’s tight, you’re not doin’ your job right.
A Few Other Myths and Fun Facts
- The vagina is a self-cleaning organ. That’s right. It keeps itself clean naturally, and feminine cleansers (like douches) can actually throw off your vagina’s pH. Come on sweetie, don’t be basic.
- The vagina isn’t the female counterpart of the penis. Actually, the same structure in human embryos becomes the penis in males and the clitoris in females. The vagina is actually more like the scrotum.
- Penis size really isn’t all that important. The vagina only starts out a few inches long and then expands to accept whatever size of dick is being put in there. That means that the vagina is basically always full during sex, so it’s not like you’ll be feeling any gaps or anything. Remember that, fellas. It’s not the size of your tool that counts, it’s how much you use the fucking clitoris oh my god this isn’t that difficult.
- They found the G-spot in, like, 2008. It’s in the wall of the vagina, 2-3 inches up, right between the vagina and the urethra. Some women actually don’t have them. But don’t worry! The G-spot is not a prerequisite for orgasms. You can still have a great time without one.
- Vaginas shrink back to their previous size after childbirth.
- Tampons can’t get “lost in the vagina”. The vagina is really short, and the cervix at the top (which opens into the uterus) is way too small for anything except for fluids to pass through. That lost tampon is probably just sideways and compressed at the top of the vagina.
Thanks for reading, y’all. Hopefully you learned something new, and hopefully we all understand how important it is to not ignore the clitoris. Seriously. I can’t say this enough. Everyone deserves an orgasm if they want one, so use your new knowledge to give the gift that keeps on giving.